My Unnamed Phobia
by Aozora094
Summary: Shindou Hikaru: a delinquent with a fear of winning in Go, but it isn't just fear Hikaru must overcome. His past will haunt him until he fulfills his promise to the dead, and an unforgettable nightmare will make it self known once again in Hikaru's life.
1. My Fears Are Still Haunting Me

**A/N: **This is my first time writting a Hikaru no Go fan fiction. So I shall warn you now that my facts may not be correct, and I apologize beforehand. Also I may or may not update depending on my schedule and I hope that you understand. I have never really played the game or understood it for that matter, so I won't be going too much in detail on the game. If you read my other fan fictions, please have some patience with me, I will update _eventually_. And I know I shouldn't be posting stories I might not finish...but well this plot just wouldn't leave my mind. But anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and will give me some feedback—

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hikaru no Go.

**Warning:** It's rated **T** for language. Hey they_ are_ teenagers, they curse. I have been looking for the name of the phobia Hikaru has, but haven't found it yet. If you do find the name of the phobia, please tell me. Thanks. And pairngs? I haven't really thought about pairings. There might not be any, so don't keep your hopes too high.

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 1: My Fears Are Still Haunting Me **

**_"God was so cruel,  
to put you through these excruciating experiences.  
Yet for the knowledge and strength you have gained,  
God had cared."_**

**T**he sound of stones against a hard surface resonated throughout the washitsu(1) room. Two figures sat on the tatami(2) while in the seiza(3) position. They both stared in concentration while reading ahead of the game in hope of outwitting the other. So far the game had been even, each of their moves a solid offense or defense for countering the obstacles presented.

Yet the game had been leaning toward the white stones position since the beginning, and it was a matter of time and reading ahead for the game to end in white's favor.

The sound of the stone on the kaya(4) Go board was deafening, for it was the hand that will foretell the closure of the game. A few minutes of no muscle movement gave the telltale sign of a defeat. The mutter of resignation was just to justify it.

Shindou Heihachi let out a sigh; his tense shoulders from a second ago fell as his mind became relax. The game had been intense, and had given his brain a workout, but now that it had ended, the weight had been lifted as well.

"You have improved Sai." Heihachi said while offering a smile.

His nephew, Fujiwara Sai, was a twenty-one years old Go professional and currently a 9-dan. Sai—at the tender age of six—had fallen onto his care when tragedy struck his parents to an immediate death during their travel to the Caribbean. Seeing as his relatives were reluctant to take care of said boy, he had volunteered. After all, living in a big traditional Japanese home was quite lonely, and he had the money to support said child unlike the other family members.

Sai was a gentle and cheerful child, and though a year since the aftermath of his parents' death had passed, it still put a veil of sadness over his childhood. It wasn't until one happy-go-lucky boy came and blew the veil away, did it finally change his outlook in life.

"Thank you, uncle." Sai replied politely, a small smile adorning his pale and heart-shaped face. His eyes were a slight blue and silver, which accompanied well with his unusually long dark violet hair.

"But I am still lacking. The upper left side of my territory was weak." Sai pointed out humbly, as his fan pointed at the position he was speaking of.

Heihachi nodded, while explaining what could have been done at the beginning, and the following moves that could have led to Sai's favor. Sai on the other hand, listened attentively to his teacher whom had taught him Go and given him a goal in life.

Shindou Heihachi was a retired Go professional whom had held the Kisei title for nearly fifteen years. But five years ago when his body had been unable to continue with the rough schedule of a Go professional, it was at that time that had given him one choice. Retirement. He was contend with the way it had ended, his only regret was that he haven't been able to change that _event _which had happened during his collapse.

And the results of it.

That event was one of the reasons why he had to retire, but not only that; it had left a black hole in many of the Shindou family members and relatives.

The ringing phone cut his explanation short.

"I will get that." Sai said as he stood from the seiza position in a graceful manner.

The ringing had stopped, and the soft greeting of his nephew's voice was enough to indicate as to why. Even so, the eerie silence that followed was not a good sign for Heihachi.

"He did what? At the police station? Two weeks of suspension?" Sai questioned in confusion and panic to the other speaker.

Heihachi felt something grip his heart, and was compelled to stand up from his sitting spot. He already had a feeling as to whom Sai was so concerned about. There was only _one_ in the family, usually with synonyms such as: the troublemaker, the delinquent, and the childish…

…grandson of his.

Shindou Hikaru.

* * *

Once Sai and Heihachi arrived at the police station, they saw Mitsuko signing papers. Heihachi decided to head to his daughter-in-law and see how grave the situation was. Meanwhile, Sai walked toward the boy of seventeen with his front bangs bleached.

"What did he do this time?" Heihachi asked in a calmly fashion, as if this was a routine.

"He sent two boys to the hospital, and they won't be released till the end of this month." Mitsuko replied, her faced drawn into a frown. She sighed before looking at her grandfather-in-law.

"I will pay for the hospital bill." Heihachi suggested, seeing as Mitsuko looked worn and tired. Her eyes had dark bags underneath, and she looked thinner since the last time he had seen her.

"I don't know what to do with him…how did he turn out this way?" Mitsuko began, her eyes letting a few tears slip while she continued, "He was a happy boy, loved soccer, and was greedy but knew the right thing to do. But now, he beats people and sends them to hospitals. Returns home at two in the morning smelling of liquor and cigarettes. His grades had also dropped considerably, and teachers are warning me he may be left back a year…"

Her voice faded in defeat, while more tears began to fall.

Heihachi let out his own sigh, while placing his wrinkled hand on her shoulder for support.

"Hikaru!" Both Heihachi and Mitsuko glanced upward at the loud exclamation from Sai.

The teenager Mitsuko had been discussing was walking out of the police station, and she had no energy in her to catch him. She felt as if her feet would collapse beneath her, just like her family was beginning to crumble above her.

"Give him some time; he is also struggling as well. You know he is the one bearing the largest wound of all of us." Heihachi said while guiding his weak daughter-in-law into the car.

Sai was already sitting at the driver's seat, so Heihachi closed the door of the backseat. He sat beside Mitsuko, giving her shoulder a squeeze for assurance. Sai on the other hand began to drive toward Mitsuko's home.

* * *

"I'm thirsty…" Hikaru mumbled before searching for a convenient store, but instead he saw a rundown Go salon. He entered, wondering if he will find a bending machine.

The lights above were flickering and the hallways were empty, so he went inside the Go salon hoping to find something to drink. But instead as he opened the door, he heard a loud yell, "You cheated!"

"Boy, give me the 4,000 yen." A rough voice grunted.

Hikaru glanced to his right, wondering what the commotion was about. He saw a boy about his age with orange colored hair, and a tall and muscled man with a bear. Hikaru turned to the cashier, not wanting to get involved in this shit.

"Do you sell any drinks?" He asked, while more yells were heard.

"Yes, there is water, coke, tea, and coffee." The old man said, while keeping an eye on the glaring customers.

"Coke." Hikaru said while taking his wallet out of his pocket.

"That will be 120 yen." Hikaru gave the money before taking his can of drink.

"You bastard! I'm not paying you." The boy yelled as he took his stuff and made a run for it.

"You are not leaving boy! Give me my money!" The man said as he got hold of the boy's collar.

Hikaru sighed, wondering if he should just leave or give the other teenager a helping hand. As his green eyes landed on the Go board he pondered, '_will _**it**_ happen again if I play Go? Or have I overcome my fears?_

"I will play you. If I lose, I will pay you half of what this boy owns to you and he will pay you the other half. But if I win, you will forget about the money. What do you think old man?" Hikaru said to the other man impulsively.

"Go ahead." He gave another grunt as he settled himself on the chair.

"Don't run away, I'm not paying your share as well." Hikaru added as he glanced at the boy standing behind him.

"Whatever." The other teenager muttered, his eyes turning to the wall ungratefully.

"Nigiri." The muscled man said, as he plunged his fist into the bowl. Hikaru nodded and took two stones out. The man gave him the black stones and in return Hikaru moved the white stones toward his opponent.

There was no formal exchange, which was fine with Hikaru. And so the battle began.

* * *

The game had been unremarkable to say the least. Hikaru had played evenly, but did not try to surpass his opponent. But when his opponent made a mistake, he did not take advantage of it, rather he ignored it. The teenager standing behind nearly palmed his face out of frustration.

The game continued until both reached yose, and from there on the game went downhill for the half blond boy. Hikaru played meaningless moves that were a disadvantage to him, until finally he was forced to resign.

"What kind of game was that?" The other boy complained, while pointing at the mediocre game lay on the Go board.

"Did you even try?" The orange haired teenager was about to scream, that is until another voice interrupted, "Give me my money."

Both boys groaned before handing their share.

As the pair left while arguing, the muscled man commented to the boss of the Go salon, "That should teach him a lesson."

The older man sitting on the stool drinking his tea, stopped and said, "What do you think of the other boy?"

"The blonde bangs? Not sure, besides not paying you to play, he isn't all that special. Delinquents these days, especially Mitani, he always comes here to cheat." The bulky man huffed, before he gulped the offered tea.

"He looked familiar…" The boss of the salon whispered, before taking another sip from his hot tea.

* * *

"I will teach you real Go." Mitani said, now that they had introduced themselves, they seemed to click right away with their personalities. Delinquents should stick together in order to survive.

"Or you will be the shame of me." Mitani remarked, while Hikaru glared.

"Hey, I'm not that bad at Go!"

"You suck!"

"Shut up asshole!"

"You shut up, loser!"

Hikaru growled, turning sharply to his left in order to avoid the irritating orange haired delinquent. He thought silently to himself, _'I still haven't gotten over that incident…'_

"Hey Hikaru, you busy tomorrow?" Said boy whom had been lost in his memories, snapped back into reality and shook his head.

"Why?" Hikaru questioned.

"My school is holding a festival; you should come take a look."

"What's the name of your school anyway? You think I'm psychic?" Hikaru retorted sarcastically.

"Idiot, it's called Haze."

"Give me your number and I will go when I am free."

"Think you are the royal highness with a pole stuck up your ass?"

"Shut up."

"Yeah, thought so." Mitani smirked, but gave his number to the other boy anyway.

"See ya." Hikaru half waved before heading to the train station.

* * *

Touya Akira hasn't been to school for nearly four days because of his job as a Go pro. But now that he was back, he couldn't seem to settle in. The classroom was in chaos, which had first left him in confusion. Yet as he listened to all the talking, he could conclude why the classroom was in such a hectic situation.

"Heard Hikaru sent Masaki and Taka to the hospital." A male student commented.

"Yeah, 'cause they were talking shit about him and Haru." Another male student added.

"I thought it was because Hikaru was defending Aya." A girl said next, which threw the conversation into a debate.

"Wasn't he dating Marika?" A short haired girl pointed out, before returning to her cell phone.

"Really? I thought he was with Haru…" The girl from before said in surprise.

"Man, Hikaru sure has lots of girls fanning over him." The male from before whistled.

"Well he is handsome, and you know a lot of girls like bad boys." The short haired girl said matter of fact as she placed her cell phone away.

"Nana, got a crush? What about your boyfriend?" The boy teased, while the short haired girl punched him on the arm.

"Shut up."

"So, was it two weeks of suspension?"

"Yeah…seems like it."

Akira shook his head, as he closed the book he had been trying to read but had now lost interest in. The school year had begun a few months ago, and he had yet to meet this Hikaru they were talking about. It seems that whenever he was at a Go convention or match, Hikaru was present, and when he was at school, Hikaru was spending it in the detention office.

The classroom door slid open and then smoothly closed again. The teacher clapped his hands and waited for his students to return to their seats. He started, "We will have the seating arrangements changed today, so please come up and get a number from this box."

Some of the girls whined since they had been sitting near Hikaru, while other girls cheered and wished for the heavens that they will be placed near the absent boy.

Akira just hoped his luck will last and he will never meet said boy.

"Touya Akira." The teacher called, so the shoulder length teenager made his way toward the front. He took a paper out and handed it back to the teacher. The girl on the board wrote the seating arrangements while Akira returned to his seat.

By the end of the class, the results were on the board and many groaned while some cheered.

Akira was one of those that had been disappointed. Especially since he was now seated beside the infamous delinquent and class clown. Seems that he had jinxed his luck.

* * *

"Shindou Hikaru, get back here or I will give you a week's worth of detention!" A female teacher screamed, but the subject of her frustration ran even faster instead. She released an irritated scream. No teacher wanted to be in charge of watching over the half blonde delinquent. It was just the twist of fate that had landed her in this predicament.

Hikaru on the other hand ran toward the direction of Haze High School. He wondered what he will find there to fill his stomach. But he alternately got more than what he had expected.

The return of Go in his life.

_To be continued..._

* * *

Washitsu (1): A traditional Japanese room

Tatami (2): A type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms

Seiza (3): Traditional formal way of sitting in Japan

Kaya (4): A type of wood used for Go boards; which makes it really expensive because of its beautiful qualities

**A/N:** So far so good, I would say. The next chapter wont be long...but bear with me, we will get to the better part of the story soon enough—

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	2. My Unnamed Phobia

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews! I genuinely didn't expect that many… but anyway I am happy and encouraged by the feedback I got. I actually got some pointers from one of the readers and I just wanted to say,

In my opinion, I believe it had a nice flow. Not too fast or slow…but that is from my point of view so I understand if you don't think the same. Well then let's move on to some of the questions I'm sure you are concerned about—

**Q: **Why did Hikaru become a delinquent?

**A:** Hikaru is a delinquent in my story—though I did not explain the reason as to why in **Chapter 1**—that is because it involves the plot. I can't possibly give a big chunk of the drama and dept of the story in the first chapter, now can we? So in short, you will have to keep reading and find out on your own.

**Q: **Why is Hikaru afraid of winning?

**A:** Again, it involves with the plot. The story will be centered on Hikaru and his fear, and how he overcomes it. There is a reason as to _why_, but I won't get into that just yet. I want to set out the foundation before we actually move on to the past…

Now that I think about it, I haven't really answered your questions… _oh well_; you will find your answers soon within the story. But there probably will be more questions arising instead. If I do lose you at some point, do tell me about your confusion. I will try my best to explain or rewrite in order to help you…but I also can't give away the plot either. I hope you understand. Well then, I don't want to hold you back from reading, so enjoy—

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 2: My Unnamed Phobia**

**_"The impossibility of the circumstance  
should not be tangible.  
So if it was thought of, and felt with,  
then why cannot it be a possibility?" _**

**H**ikaru glanced around, looking for his orange haired friend. If it wasn't for the Go sign he would had probably moved to other booths. He spotted his comrade in an unusual place. So he silently headed toward the Go booth and watched from behind him as to what he was so concentrated about.

Hikaru let out a snort as he stared at the life and death situation on the Go board.

"Come on Mitani, is not that hard." He commented, as his eyes strayed to the answer that his fellow delinquent couldn't figure out.

"Tch, speak for yourself loser." Mitani muttered darkly while narrowing his eyes on the Go board.

"Are you going to hold it against me for the rest of my life?" Hikaru half whined as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Obviously. That lost was so pathetic that it ashamed me." Mitani growled back as his hand began to scratch his head.

"Here, you dumbass." Hikaru picked up a black stone from the bowl and expertly placed it on the spot that will make the black tones survive.

"You are not supposed to help; this is a one on one challenge." The girl scolded, while her other friend with glasses studied it in shock.

"He got it right." The teenager with the glasses whispered.

"What?" Mitani exclaimed.

"Told you I wasn't that bad." Hikaru smiled mockingly as he settled his hands inside his pockets once again.

"Then you play, and you better win the prize!"

"Whatever." Hikaru was shoved down on the seat Mitani had been sitting before, and he glanced upward to the glasses boy.

"So? Give me your hardest tsumego." Hikaru said arrogantly while Mitani had a vein throbbing at the side of his temple.

Tsutsui Kimihiro began to place the stones accordingly. This challenge was the hardest in the book, and it will definitely take more than five minutes to figure out.

Tsutsui's eyes were impossibly wide when he saw a stone being placed a few seconds after he had finished. That was impossible, how did he know? Tsutsui studied the life and death situation for nearly a minute, and could see the survival of black territories in that one hand.

"See? I told you I wasn't that bad." Hikaru bragged with a childish smile tugging at his lips.

"Idiot, he haven't even told us if is right or wrong. Besides I'm sure you just placed that stone at random."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not—"

"Actually he is correct." Tsutsui inserted before they could get into an argument.

"He what?!" Mitani yelled, looking at the challenge on the board in astonishment.

"Ha! Told you so." Hikaru pumped his fist into the air and stood up, ready to head to another booth.

"Wait the prize." Tsutsui yelled to the boy that was making his way to another game of rings and bottles.

"Nah, I don't want it. Give it to my friend over there." Hikaru tilted his head upward, and stared from the corner of his eyes. There was something mysterious about him, and Tsutsui wasn't sure why.

"Can I have the prize?" The orange haired teenager asked which helped drag Tsutsui's attention back to reality.

"Uh...sure." After giving the prize to the teenager, he heard an exclaim from the red head, "Hikaru wait up, you asshole!"

"You know, I feel like I have met him before." The girl next to him had a thoughtful expression.

"You can think more about it later Akari-chan." Tsutsui said kindly, his eyes trailing back to the Go board and that one stone which made all the differences.

He looked back at his book and gasped. The solution the boy had posed wasn't on the book, how was it possible for someone to see an opportunity in matter of seconds? And one that was even better than the answer on the book. That boy brought forth more questions that spiked his curiosity.

"What's wrong Tsutsui?" Akari asked in concern.

"He might be a genius."

* * *

"Come on, let's play a game." Mitani demanded as he studied the half blond score another win in basketball.

"Just accept that I am better than you." Hikaru taunted as he took another basketball and score a three pointer.

"Never, you still suck at Go even though you are good at life and death games." Mitani countered heatedly as he folded his arms and drew his eyebrows together.

"Yeah, yeah…" Hikaru said in a condescending tone which further annoyed Mitani.

"What will make you play?" Mitani finally used his last resource, and he did not expect for Hikaru to comply so easily.

"A bowl of ramen." Hikaru smirked, as he watched the last ball enter the basket smoothly.

"You bastard…" Mitani's voice emphasized the last part, as he glared, feeling as if he had fallen into a trap.

"Here's your prize." The girl said. An evident tint of red on her cheeks as she gave the chocolate box.

"Thanks." Hikaru smiled sweetly, causing the girl to swoon.

"Player." Mitani mumbled under his breath, hating the fact that Hikaru had a natural way in handling girls.

"Jealous?" Hikaru laughed at the expression that overcame Mitani, before making a run for it. He didn't want to get beat up by an irritated cat.

"Get back here you jerk!"

* * *

"Welcome back Akira-san." Akiko greeted her son politely, before preparing snacks and tea for the Go discussion that will commence soon.

"Your father is already inside the discussion room with Ashiwara-san, but it appears that Ogata-san will be slightly late today." His mother informed him, so Akira replied with a nod before heading to the discussion room.

"Excuse me." Akira said as he slid the door open.

"Ah, Akira-kun how was your day?" Ashiwara-san asked good naturedly from his seiza position.

"Good, thank you. What game are you recreating?" Akira said as he sat across from his father and studied the game laid out.

"The game between Ogata-san and Fujiwara-san 9-dan." Ashiwara-san replied, as he too stared in concentration at the game. It was a very powerful and even game, that neither player gave a single opening.

"Fujiwara-san lost by half a moku," Ashiwara-san commented silently.

Fujiwara Sai was seven years apart from Ogata-san; he had entered the Go world at the age of twelve, and had risen from being a rookie to a 9-dan rapidly. Ogata-san considered Fujiwara-san as his rival, and their games were usually the most nerve-racking and intensifying in the pro world. They both seemed to bring the best out of each other, and give the most difficult hurdle for the other.

Akira stared in envy at the game, he had yet to find someone he could call his rival.

"The white stones here were rather poor; Fujiwara-san must have realized that and tried to change his play in order to strengthen his weakness. But Ogata-san caught up soon enough, and stopped his process." Akira's father began to point out about the flaws in the center of the Go board.

Akira listened attentively, even though deep inside, he felt as if something was missing from his life as a Go professional.

He just didn't foresee the solution to be in the half blond. Life had its surprises, and he will soon realize that.

* * *

"I lost." Hikaru said, before releasing the breath he had been holding. Disappointment filled his heart, making it heavier and painful.

"Did you even try?" Mitani accused, as he took the stones roughly and placed it back inside their own respective bowls.

"I don't know…"

"What do you mean?" Mitani asked worriedly, as he watched his friend rest his head in his palms.

No response came from the half blond, the only noise between them was the stones hitting against the Go board and the old geezers talking among themselves.

"Hikaru?" Mitani urged after nearly ten minutes of silence from the half blonde.

The chair was pushed back, and the boy in concern stood up and picked up his stuff. "Let's go." Was all the moody boy said as he walked out of the Go salon.

"Thank you for coming, hope to see you again." A pretty lady with short hair said as she bowed.

But instead of getting a polite response, they walked out of Touya's Go Salon while ignoring the lady.

"Rude brats." She muttered after the door had closed.

* * *

Mitani found himself in a Ramen stand, eating a pork ramen dejectedly. Meanwhile, Hikaru was cheerfully eating his food as if he hasn't just broken down a few minutes ago. The awkwardness was nearly numbing to Mitani's senses as he waited for an explanation.

Once done, they sipped their drinks and did not bring up the topic. That is until Mitani couldn't take it anymore and yelled at the half blonde in annoyance.

"So what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't suck at Go…" Came a whispered statement.

"You just lost to me, loser. What's got your panties in a twist?"

"…I just can't win no matter how hard I try…"

"You sound like a pessimistic bastard that just got his puppy kicked!"

"…because I am afraid of winning."

"Like that's possible! How could anyone be afraid of—_wait_ did you just say you are afraid of winning?" Mitani asked incredulously, as if he had just heard a joke, but could not understand the concept of it to actually find it funny.

"I have a phobia of winning in Go." Hikaru mumbled, as his mind began to drift back to past memories.

"What? Why?" Mitani turned fully to his friend, wondering if he was lying or acting.

"But the funny thing is, there's no such a word for it, or at least I haven't found it yet." Hikaru said sarcastically before continuing, "The irony in life. After all, how could someone not want to win? Or even be afraid of it for that matter."

"Hikaru…"

"I gave up in Go a long time ago."

"Hikaru!"

"Who cares about a board game anyway?"

Mitani stood, and without giving it a second thought, punched hard. So much that it gave Hikaru a dark bruise on the left side of his cheekbone.

"Oow. Why did you hit me for?" Hikaru exclaimed as he too stood up. He could feel the pain circulating around the left side of his face, a burning sensation that made his blood rush to his head.

"If you are so afraid of winning, I will help you overcome it!"

"Do whatever you want, but first come here; I'm going to pay you back for that!" Hikaru yelled back, while the owner of the stand began to dial the police.

"Hey, I did that for your own good!"

"Yeah right!"

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	3. My Resolve and Your Help

**A/N: **As I said, I will be updating this Friday (05/04/12). I hope you are excited to read the next chapter. I got a lot of feedback, and I am glad you like it. I have also read through them, and I can see that there were questions that are in need for answers… so I will move on to the **Q/A** before we move onward—

**Q:** Is there a rival for each character? Such as: Ogata and Sai, Akira and Hikaru, and Touya and Heihachi?

**A:** You could say that there is a rival for each character, but within their profession there probably be more than one rival. After all, this is supposed to be a competitive game, so do not think that the rivalry named before were the only ones considered.

**Q:** Is the happy-go-lucky boy in **Chapter 1** related to Hikaru somehow?

**A:** Now _that _I won't answer…since I would be giving you hints and I prefer for you to read and find out. It won't be interesting if you already know. So just wait, your answer will appear on the next chapter or so.

**Q:** From whom did Hikaru learn Go from?

**A:** Again, sorry, I can't really tell you. But if you have been reading attentively, I'm sure you can throw in your own guesses. Your answer to this question will also appear on the next chapter or so.

**Q:** Is it necessary to switch scenes so often? It can get confusing.

**A:** I can understand why some might think it's confusing. My way of writing has been like that since I started fanfiction, and I don't plan to change it. I switch scenes a lot so you can get to see other parts of the story from other characters, or what is happening to other characters. I usually don't focus on only particular characters, I actually like to get as many characters involve as possible. So if you aren't reading it attentively you might find it hard to understand. Anyway I will explain if you are lost, but I really can't help you if you just skim through the chapters.

Well now that I have got most of this** Q/A** done I would like to say some things to my reviewers, thanks for the feedback. Also for those whom asked me questions regarding some part of the story. I am glad you are asking me, I can see that you are thinking deeply on where the plot might go to. But I can't answer any of them clearly without actually giving anything away. So while you can still ask, I hope you are not disappointed by my response. As I said, your answers will be on the following chapter or so.

I think I have got this all covered now, so let's move on to the story—

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 3: My Resolve and Your Help**

**_"A solution shall not be  
a fling, or a mediocre effort.  
Because it would be no solution at all.  
The gravity of your conflict,  
should balance your solution."_**

**M**itani and Hikaru both had a matching bruise on the left side of their cheekbones. As Hikaru had said, his payback was never less and never more. So now that they were even, they came back to the Go salon they went to two days ago.

"This time you better be serious, you have to try and overcome that fear. Don't succumb to it." Mitani ranted as they entered the salon, the same lady greeted, "Welcome."

Hikaru handed the money to Mitani while studying who he should play. When he saw a teenager of his age he said, "Hey, I see someone our age." Hikaru pointed to a shoulder length haired boy.

"Hikaru?" Mitani questioned, as he gave Hikaru's money to the lady and rushed to his friend. Today Hikaru had to play a real match, and Mitani was going to determine Hikaru's true level.

"Hey let's have a game." Hikaru said as he sat himself before the silent boy that had been recreating a game before.

"Hikaru that's—" Mitani began, but thought that this might be interesting. The best method to measure Hikaru's strength was to compare it against a Go prodigy. And this was the perfect occasion to test that.

Hikaru helped put back the stones and then introduced himself as "Hikaru, and you?"

The other boy appeared surprise by the question but answered anyway, "Touya Akira."

"So nigiri?" Hikaru smiled cheerfully, as he fisted some stones from the bowl.

Mitani tried his best not to laugh as he watched the exchange. Hikaru was impossible, he couldn't even recognize the famous 7-dan, and even after hearing his name he didn't think too deeply into it. The idiot didn't know what he was asking for.

"How many handicaps?" The other boy asked politely, which caused Hikaru to stare in confusion.

"Nah I don't need any since we are the same age." Hikaru replied easily as he placed the stones he had fished randomly from the bowl onto the Go board.

Mitani snorted before commenting, "You probably do need one you loser."

"Shut up." Hikaru growled, before putting back the stones on his bowl. Looks like they didn't have to exchange bowl, but Hikaru wished he had ended with black instead of white.

So the game began, and as the minutes passed by the board began to fill with stones. Hikaru's eyes were solely on the board, trying his best not to revert back to his usual habit of losing intentionally.

Mitani stared in astonishment, as he watched the game enter yose. Hikaru was indeed amazing when he wanted to be, so far he had played evenly with Touya Akira_. The_ Touya Akira.

Hikaru placed a white stone on the upper right corner, which made the other stop and sit for nearly five minutes; Mitani also had to really look in order to see why the Go prodigy has stopped.

He couldn't really understand why such a simple move could be such a huge obstacle for Touya.

But before Touya could counter the move, Hikaru stood up abruptly and laughed awkwardly.

"I have to go now…eh, sorry. Let's have another game at another time…uh, bye!" Mitani had never seen the other run so fast before. But once the door of the Go salon closed, Mitani cursed and followed his friend. The idiot hasn't overcome his phobia after all, but that was the result Mitani had concluded since the beginning. There was no way that such a phobia could be surpassed when it had been there for so many years.

Even Mitani didn't know how it had originated from; Hikaru was very tight lipped about that.

* * *

Akira watched as his opponent's friend left, and wondered if he had finally found his rival in that unassuming teenager. When it came down to it, Akira hasn't expected much from the half blonde. He appeared like he was more suited in sports or arcade. His casual attitude and carefree way of speaking was also misleading. Not only that, he had a piercing on his left earlobe, and a number five tattoo underneath where his right earlobe met his neck.

No one would had thought that such a boy would be any good in Go. Not just good, he could rival him and that's saying a lot.

* * *

"I thought you were going to take this seriously!" Mitani yelled once he reached the other boy. They stood before a train station, and many turned toward him in curiosity.

"I was, but then I started sweating and I became afraid again!" The half blonde said equally loud, as he slumped on the bench.

"Say, if you are that good…but you are afraid of winning, why don't you force the game into a draw?" Mitani said randomly but laughed at how idiotic he was. There was no way someone could do that.

"How come I never thought of that?" Hikaru exclaimed as he stood again, like lightning had struck him.

"No way." Mitani commented, wondering how Hikaru could actually take his joke seriously.

"Maybe I should go back and play that guy again—" Hikaru continued, as if he could already see a new door of opportunity opening before him.

"Hikaru you idiot! Your goal is to overcome your phobia, don't use such a cheap way to solve it! You have talent. There's actually something that you are extremely good at, don't take it lightly." Mitani stood as well, his hands fisting the collar of Hikaru's shirt.

"Then what should I do?" Hikaru retorted, his piercing emerald eyes staring into him as if to challenge him. And Mitani guessed as much, Hikaru wasn't one to back down, and was more often than not reckless.

"Play others and try to win instead of playing pathetically in order to lose. Every game you play, and the less moku you lose will help you. Until finally you won't lose any points to your opponent and will instead gain points back. You have talent Hikaru; you just need practice and some training."

Hikaru stood mutely, his mind dissecting the idea Mitani had given him. It was possible, but it will take a lot of effort to overcome his phobia and the memories that haunt him.

Mitani released Hikaru's collar and sat back down, wondering where they could play lots of players without paying. Hikaru followed suit and sat on the bench as well, but his thoughts were revolving around his fear.

Mitani glanced around until they fell on a laptop a teenager was using inside a café. "I know!"

"What?" Hikaru asked, looking at his friend as he pointed at a café.

"You want coffee?" Hikaru questioned, wondering why he had to be so enthusiastic about coffee when they were trying to find a solution to his obstacle.

"No, not the coffee. The laptop, internet access! We can use that to play online go!" Mitani said excitedly while Hikaru marveled at the answer they had been looking for.

"But I don't have a laptop." Hikaru said in defeat.

"That's okay idiot, my sister works at an internet café."

"Oh, _oh_ that's great!" Hikaru felt something warm enter his heart again; he had never been so delighted before, especially since it involve Go.

"Meet me here after school and we will go together." Mitani said as he stood up.

"Okay, see ya tomorrow." Hikaru said also before waving and rushing to the train station.

"Yeah, idiot."

* * *

"I am sorry to intrude," Mitsuko said as she walked into the house.

"We are family, there's nothing wrong for you to visit this old man." Heihachi joked as he guided her to the living room.

Heihachi led his daughter-in-law to the seating area, and let the silence hover as he prepared the drinks. "I have been worried about Hikaru." Mitsuko said after a few minutes had passed and tea had been served.

"I know…" Heihachi nodded, his palm rubbing his right knee.

"He hasn't been the same since that _incident_, and these past five years haven't made a difference for our Hikaru. I was thinking that he should stay at your house for a few months. Maybe being exposed to Go would help him. After all he once loved Go more than anything. He was a prodigy and he had learned from you and Sai. He looked up to you, and he was going to be a Go pro. He had so much going for him and then he—" Mitsuko's voice had been weak but it waivered as she remembered what her son had, and had also lost.

Tears were trailing down her cheeks, but she continued, "He just gave up, he never really told me why but I knew he had been scarred deeply. It was an event after another, breaking down his confidence, his protection, and his love for Go."

She let out a cry of languish as she shielded her face from the world with her hands, "Why did it have to have happened to my child? He had done nothing wrong."

"I understand…" Heihachi walked toward his daughter-in-law and placed his hand over hers, his heart feeling heavy from the overflowing pain he had.

"He is hurt, and I can't do anything for him—" Mitsuko whispered before collapsing on the tatami mat.

"Mitsuko!"

* * *

Hikaru and Mitani sat before a computer, the former thinking in concentration about what name he should use as a username, while the latter felt his patience run thin. How could someone take so long to come up with a username? The purpose of coming here was so that Hikaru could play against others, not so he could come up with a username and then leave afterward 'cause it was late or something!

"Maybe I will go with BleachIchi, or Handsome5, or ThaMan…aaah it's so hard."

Mitani thought murderously to himself, _'if this idiot doesn't figure out soon what his username is…I'm going to get my hands on that neck and—'_

"I can't decide!"

_'Then I will decide for you.'_ Mitani said to himself as he typed:

B-A-K-A

After pressing enter, Mitani smiled sadistically, no one had that username. How perfect, it fitted Hikaru so well.

"Hey, what did you just do?" Hikaru said in alarm as he stared at the screen in dumbfound.

"Why baka of all names?" Hikaru clicked his username and tried to edit his name but could not, which made him nearly rip his bangs off out of frustration.

"Because you are a baka." Came the muffled reply of Mitani as he tried to contain his laugher.

"Come on let's go challenge someone, don't forget we are here to defeat that fears of yours!"

"Whatever, I'm not your friend anymore…" Hikaru mumbled as he stared at his username with an expression akin to The Scream by the artist Edvard Munch. No exaggeration intended.

"Hurry up, or are you going to stay a loser?" Mitani jabbed where he knew Hikaru was most sensitive about.

"Fine, just watch, you are going to be calling me the champion by the end of today."

"Right." Mitani mocked as he pretended to look at his nails.

"Just watch!"

* * *

Heihachi stared at his daughter-in-law from the window. Mitsuko had fainted when she came to visit, and it had left him in agony as he waited for the ambulance. These surprises should have been kept at a minimum for his old heart.

The doctor had told him it was due to stress, and Heihachi understood as much. With his son always away from home and a troublemaker like Hikaru it was no wonder that she had been stressed.

Heihachi dialed Hikaru's number a few times; finally he got through and was able to deliver the news. Then he left a voice message for Sai since he was at a match, and would probably not hear the message until an hour or so later.

It was time for Hikaru to come live at his traditional Japanese house. Mitsuko needed as much rest as she could get, or her health will be in danger.

It seems that their dark hole had only grown by the years.

* * *

Hikaru had lost five consecutive games, all of them reaching yose, but it seems that it was always at the end game that he had the most struggles in. Even though he was good with life and death situations, his phobia always kicked in during the end game causing him to lose each time. He had also tried before to end the game before it reached yose but to no avail. His fear wouldn't let him finish his opponent easily.

If he had been solving a tsumego, he would have finished the puzzle book in an hour. But the fact that he was playing against an opponent, always made him recall the past.

The event that changed his life forever.

Hikaru was facing against an invisible barrier. His real opponent was his own fear, and at this very moment that opponent seemed to overpower him. It pushed him to the corner of his mind, and it left him helpless.

Once he had resigned his sixth game, he answered his cell phone, wondering who it could be. He checked the caller's ID and was surprised to see that it was his grandfather that had called him.

"Hikaru come to the Tokyo Hospital as soon as possible, your mother had collapsed due to stress."

At that moment, everything turned black and white, he could hear all that surrounded him, but he could register none. Everything seemed to spin as he felt his blood rush into his head. It reminded him of that feeling he got five years ago. The event that had given him this cursed phobia.

"I gotta leave." Hikaru said, not even caring how he had enough strength to talk.

His mind was racing, but it did not process Mitani's questions. His mind was only thinking of one person, and that was his mom.

He ran and ran, not even thinking about the subway or the taxi. He just ran as if his life depended on him. He had never sweated as much as he did right now. Never felt his throat burn and constrict. He was sprinting faster than he ever did in school festivals. He felt his feet strain from the sudden use, but continued. Even as he fell and bloodied his hands and knees, he sped even faster. He passed by people and shops, crossed the streets even when he wasn't supposed to. His life mattered little at that very moment.

Once inside Tokyo Hospital he rushed to the front and asked for his mom and the room number. Not even sparing another glance or a thank you; he continued onward.

He hasn't been a good son; he hasn't eaten with her during breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He had made her worry, but even so, he had done all the things that she disapproved of. And now he was guilty. Why did he have to make her worry? To make her so stressed that she wouldn't eat or drink much?

It was his fault.

He saw his grandfather, but was more concern about the pale and thin figure that lay on the bed. He placed both of his bloodied hands on the cool glass, and felt tears run.

"Hikaru…"

The voice of his grandfather was not strong enough to awaken him from his pain and guilt.

"Will she be okay?" Hikaru asked, not caring that his bloodied hands were staining the glass.

"She will have to stay for two months in the hospital to recuperate." Heihachi informed, as he placed his hand on Hikaru's shaking shoulder.

"It's my fault." Hikaru whispered, as silent tears rolled down his cheeks to form one big tear on his chin, and then drop onto the tiled floor.

"Don't think like that, she is a strong woman. She will get back up with very little difficulty."

"I'm sorry…" Hikaru said to his mother as he laid his hot forehead on the cool glass.

"You will be staying at my house for two months, I will tell Sai to get your stuff. Let's go to a nurse and ask her to check your hands and knees. I'm sure your mother wouldn't like to see you hurt because of her." Heihachi guided his grandson to the way he had ran from, hoping that in these two months it will not only cure Mitsuko, but also Hikaru.

Maybe these two months will do what five years couldn't have done for their family.

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	4. My Sin That Cannot Be Atoned

**A/N:** So here is chapter 4! I got lots of feedback, and many who put my story as a favorite or as an alert. But because I am greedy, I wanted to see more response..._oh well_...guess little pieces of chocolates wasn't enough huh? Anyway Lets move on to **Q/A**

**Q:** Will there be any pairings? If so, what sort of pairings would it be?

**A:** One of the feedback I got asked for _Hikaru x Akari_. I am sorry to say that, I never really liked that pairing. Currently I haven't thought much about pairings, but if there were any, Akari will be paired with someone else. As to who? I haven't thought that far ahead.

**Q:** Will this be a _yaoi_ fanfic?

**A:** I would like that...but it probably won't happen. Since I'm sure there are some that don't like _yaoi_, I will probably not include any in this story. So there probably won't be any pairings...especially main characters. But side characters are okay, you can think about that, and give me some suggestions.

**Q:** Why did you decide to make Sai human, rather than a ghost?

**A:** Well now here is something interesting. I have thought about it a lot, one thing for sure is that if Sai was a ghost he did probably disappear at some point. I don't want that. My story won't stick to the original plot, and if you don't like that, well I can't really say much. I am not going to do what pleases anyone, I am going to do instead what makes me happy. Another thing, I wanted to make my story unique (to some degree) so Sai was turned into a human being. He isn't strong as he was in the original story because he hasn't been in the human world for nearly a thousand year. I think that characters that contain flaws are easier to work with, and if Sai was unbeatable that did beat my point. The point of him being a _human_ (just in case you were confused).

I think I have got all the **Q/A** covered, so lets move on to the story!

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 4: My Sin That Cannot Be Atoned**

**_"I am a vindictive person,  
do not fault me for what I am about to do.  
I do not pay more,  
and neither do I pay less.  
That is how I shall see it be done."_**

**A**kira was not looking forward to coming to school. Why is it that when he most desired a Go match or convention he could get none?

It's not like he doesn't like his school or classmates, he liked to learn, the only problem was the person that will be sitting beside him. Two weeks of silence and harmony was really like the calm before a storm.

Akira sighed, knowing that he couldn't avoid this. He mustered all the power he had in him and opened the door, everyone in the classroom stopped and glanced at him. But seeing as he wasn't the one they were seeking for they returned back to their conversations.

Once settle in his seat, Akira took out a book about Go, but before he could even start reading, the classroom door slammed open. And then there was turmoil.

"Hey man, you finally decided to show up?"

"Why did you really beat Masaki and Taka?"

"Which is your real girlfriend Hikaru-kun?"

"Heard you got a week's worth of detention from Ms. Hanamiya."

"During lunch we should have a game of soccer!"

Akira knew that his seat-partner was popular, but he never thought he will be _this_ popular. He never really liked people whom seem to joke around and think that popularity meant everything. While he was establishing himself in society, this class clown was probably going to drop out of high school and be working in a convenience store for the rest of his life.

He ignored the commotion and tried to read the first paragraph. He tried, but his attempt was futile as the chair beside him was roughly pulled, and then a body collapsed on the chair ungracefully.

He felt a vein thumping against the side of his temple while he tried to restrain the twitching of his right eyebrow. If he wasn't so controlled and well-mannered, he would have stood up and overthrown his desk by now.

* * *

"Come on guys, my partner is trying to read! You noisy people!" Hikaru yelled jokingly to his classmates before turning back to the shoulder length haired teenager.

"Hey, hello? Hi? Excuse me?" Hikaru said as he waved his hand at the quiet boy while the others laughed.

"Hikaru you are wasting your time, that's Touya Akira and he's too good for you. No one can talk to him on even grounds unless they are a Go professional." One of his classmates informed him.

"Hey, don't you remember me? We played last week." Hikaru explained as he scooped closer to the other boy, while his classmates burst into laughter thinking the half blonde had been joking.

Akira finally lifted his head, unable to sit quietly and let people laugh at him for a second longer. But as his teal colored eyes met emerald, he felt as if time had stopped. The boy he had been thinking about was right beside him. The boy he thought could have been his rival…was also his class' clown.

"We should play another game again." The half blonde said cheerfully before moving his seat back to his desk.

Akira opened his mouth to say something, but ended up swallowing it instead when the teacher opened the door.

_'I will talk to him about the game later.'_ Akira thought silently as he took out his history textbook.

* * *

But when lunch came and an opportunity was given, every other classmate took it before Akira could react. It seems that Hikaru was popular for a reason. He was a social butterfly, knew what to say to which type of people, and could flirt with girls while still sustaining a conversation with his fellow male classmates.

Akira sat back down on his chair and decided to eat his lunch box, he will have time later.

When he saw Hikaru stand up, Akira watched in surprise as others followed him. He had never been one to socialize, and so did not have many friends. But sometimes he wondered what it would be like to have friends that were of his age.

"Hey give me some privacy here; I can't go to the bathroom by myself or something?" Hikaru joked as he ran for the door before one of his male classmates decided to ruffle his hair.

Akira kept an eye on his classmates, wondering what they would do. And to his surprise they sat back down and continued talking. He decided it was his chance to talk to Hikaru before he was flooded by his classmates again. He put away his lunch box and stood up.

When Akira made a left turn to the boy's bathroom he saw Hikaru talking to a shorter boy with glasses. Akira almost staggered as he realized whom Hikaru was talking to. Not just that, he had never realized that Ochi Kousuke attended the same school as him.

"If they bother you again tell me okay?" Hikaru said to the shorter boy.

Now that Akira looked at Ochi school uniform, his collar had a Roman numeral one, which meant he was a freshman.

"As if I would need help from someone like you." Ochi muttered as he crossed his arms.

"Now loosen up, and don't be so uptight, I am still your sempai." Hikaru's voice was light hearted, while his hand clapped Ochi's shoulder playfully.

"Don't touch me you murderer!" Ochi's hysterical cry shook Akira, and it made him wonder what he had meant.

Akira turned his eyes to Hikaru and was left stunned as he studied that crestfallen face. It wasn't one of smiles or of mischief; it was an expression that seemed oddly surreal to be on such an easy going class clown.

"I'm sorry, guess I overstepped the line, but if Masaki and Taka bully you again I hope you would come to me." Hikaru said honestly as he tried to put a smile on his tanned face.

"Why should I? So you can compensate for your sins? There's no way that what you have done can be fixed, much less bring back the dead!" Ochi glared before swiftly turning to the stairs so he could head back to the freshman's floor.

Akira couldn't really see Hikaru's face as the half blonde turned to watch the shorter boy leave. All he saw was side of his face and the number five tattoo. He studied a little more and noticed that Hikaru actually had a piercing on his right earlobe as well. One piercing on both ears, and they were of dark green stones. Who else wore earrings on both of their ears?

It reminded him of someone, but Akira didn't ponder for too long as his teal colored orbs trailed upward. For someone that was as carefree as Hikaru, he sure carried a big burden on his shoulders.

Something shiny slipped from the corner of the other boy's right eye, and Akira noted that it was a tear.

A single tear.

The joyful yells and cheers from the school yard did not reflect the moment Akira stood in. It was the silent hallways that mirrored the profound moment Akira was in. He wondered what sort of expression Hikaru was casting right now.

* * *

Sai had a title match tomorrow with Zama Oza. But that wasn't what his mind had been thinking about. As he sat on the tatami mat facing the beautiful Japanese garden, all he did was indulge in the reminiscence of his childhood.

No one besides him was in the Shindou Heihachi's residence currently. So he had time to brood about the past and enjoy the jasmine tea.

He could still remember when he was seven, and he was still having a hard time adjusting to his life without his parents. He had sat in this same position, but he hasn't been thinking much. Instead he had been spacing out as tears rolled down his pale cheeks.

Then three years old Hikaru had stumbled in the Japanese garden and had fallen face first to the ground. Sai had watched but had not been compelled to help said boy. He could see that the dark haired three years old was trying his best to hold back his tears unlike him.

His emerald eyes were round and big; they were blurred by the tears, but to Sai's bewilderment not even one slipped. The boy was trying really hard not to blink while his round cheeks became even rounder. His face became red, but the boy held it in anyway. If he let go of his breath then his concentration would break as well; which ultimately would lead him to blink his eyes.

Finally Sai couldn't hold it any longer and let out a laugher he haven't done so since the accident. The three years old was startled by the abrupt sound and blinked. Then his cries filled the residence. Sai blinked back tears of laugher as he stood up and neared the boy.

"You know its okay to cry at times." Sai assured as he kneeled down and pulled the little boy back onto his feet.

The boy's response had been muffled but Sai could still understand half of it, "But you are crying…"

Sai blinked in shock, but then stood up and tugged the boy to where he had been sitting before.

"Yep, but you helped me to stop crying. So is okay for you to cry now, I will stop my tears for you." Sai smiled cheerfully as he lifted the heavy boy onto the tatami mat.

"No."

"Huh?" Sai questioned as he sat beside his little cousin.

"You don't have to hold your tears, ice cream works!" Hikaru had stumbled on some words and had eaten the others, but Sai had understood it perfectly.

"It does?" Sai humored his little cousin, while tilting his head to the side.

"Yep!"

* * *

Sai closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh smell of cut grass. Even though the scent wasn't sweet and it made his nose itch, it was refreshing. He took the warm cup into his hands and drank a small portion of it as his mind trailed back to his happier memories with Hikaru.

* * *

Sai was nine years old while his little cousin was five. Sai had been trying to teach Hikaru how to play go, but it hasn't turned out the way he had wanted it. He had assumed that it would be fun, but that naughty and troublemaking kid had wanted ice cream rather than to learn the complexity of Go.

"Hikaru pay attention, or no chocolate ice cream." Sai scolded, before he returned to his explanation about the rules.

After going through the rules for nearly three times, Sai gave an easy problem for Hikaru to solve. But when five minutes passed and no tiny hands made an effort to take a white stone out, Sai finally glanced upward.

The seat before him was empty.

He felt a tug on his sleeves so he turned to the direction of the tug and met round green eyes inches from his bluish ones.

"Hikaru what about the problem?" Sai asked in concern, wondering if Hikaru had no interest in Go.

The little boy liked going to the park and playing soccer, he couldn't sit still during dinner so it was a feat that he had actually sat on the tatami mat for nearly ten minutes without moving.

"15-4." Came the reply as Hikaru settled himself beside him.

Sai turned back to the board and nodded, but then he felt his hair being pull.

"Sai you should keep your hair long!" Hikaru smiled childishly.

"Why?" Sai asked curiously while moving the stones to another position. This time the problem will be a little harder to solve.

"Because it's smooth like mom's hair." An unexpected reply but nevertheless Sai took it as a compliment.

"If you solve this one correctly I will keep my hair long." Sai told his cousin, knowing that this one would be a challenge for Hikaru.

He watched as the boy studied the board for a few seconds and then to his surprise said, "19-8."

It should have taken longer to figure out, but Hikaru had done it in a breeze. So Sai decided to test Hikaru's ability a little more. A life and death situation.

One that he had taken longer than usual to solve. If Hikaru did this correctly, he would be a genius, especially since his little cousin was four years younger than him. If Sai was considered a prodigy for his age, then what would Hikaru be then?

"Hikaru what about this?" Sai pointed to the problem on the kaya board.

"Why so many stones?" Hikaru whined instead, but looked at the kaya board anyway.

"Hikaru this is a test." Sai replied seriously, even though he knew there was no way Hikaru could solve it. After all he had just learned the rules, and this challenge wasn't for those that had just begun to play Go.

"On one condition." Hikaru smiled in mischief.

Sai smiled back, knowing Hikaru wouldn't get this right, "Go ahead."

"Pierce your ears!" And then the little boy cackled as he slumped on the tatami mat.

"Do you really think I am your mom?" Sai exclaimed instead, thinking _'Hikaru is being unbelievable'_.

"Nope, but you look girly even with your neck length hair." Hikaru teased, rolling on the floor while laughing.

"Solve the problem first." Sai gritted his teethes while his tone showed his seriousness; no way was he going to get piercings.

"Remember to get your ears pierced!" Hikaru said cockily as he stared at the Go board.

"_If_ you get it right."

"Ha! Just watch."

Five minutes passed by and Sai knew that Hikaru wasn't going to get it right any time soon. He said to his little cousin, "Give up; I am not getting my ears pierced."

"I said just watch!" The other boy yelled as he returned his eyes to the board. Sai had to admit that Hikaru's concentration was amazing.

"Hikaru is time to go." Mitsuko called from the living room. Sai smirked as he watched his cousin struggle.

"Hey your mom said you are leaving Hikaru." Sai sang, he really had to clap his back on a job well done.

Hikaru stood up indignantly, his eyes still glaring at the board, Sai stood up as well. He wanted to dance around his cousin, but he knew that if he did, he will be pushing it too far.

"Hikaru! Let's go." Mitsuko called again.

Hikaru began to walk toward the sliding door, and Sai almost pumped his fist into the air.

_Almost. _

Too bad Hikaru had to break his victory mood by saying,

"13-15."

That little brat was too smart for his own good, Sai grumbled as he stared at the Go board in bewilderment.

He got it right.

And so he had to pierce his ears now. '_Damn him.'_

* * *

Sai let out a chuckle as he remembered the reason why his ears are now adorning violet stones. Well he did return the favor. His little cousin had his ears pierced as well, and his bangs bleached.

No less and no more, that was the family motto when payback was involved.

Sai drank the remaining portion of his tea. He was looking forward to that title match tomorrow, after all Zama Oza owed him_. 'No less and no more'_, Sai thought to himself as he looked up at the clear sky.

* * *

Akira sat in his seat wondering how he should interpret what he had just witnessed. How did Ochi 5-dan and Hikaru relate to all of this? What he once thought about the half blonde seemed no longer true. Was he truly just a carefree boy that caused troubles for teachers left and right? Or was he someone that carried dark secrets and an unknown past?

"—Hikaru come to the black board and solve this math equation!" Yun-sensei was the Go Club's supervisor and coach. Besides being involved in after school activities, he was also a math teacher.

The boy sitting next to Akira groaned, but made no effort to stand up from his seat. The surrounding classmates all chuckled and commented on how Hikaru wouldn't be able to answer the question on the board even if Yun-sensei gave him unlimited time.

"Hey, are you implying I'm dumb?" Hikaru yelled as he stretched his feet beneath him.

"You said it yourself Hikaru." One of the male students teased, while the others nodded along or tried to hold back their laugher.

Akira wondered if it was right for students to make such a joke, wouldn't it be considered bullying? Why would Hikaru be okay with being laugh at? Akira would surely have demanded their silence, and would have proved them wrong. But Hikaru wasn't him; his mind was on a different platform than Akira's level-headedness.

"All right, I will answer that question, but better catch your jaws before it hits the floor." The emerald eyed boy said as he brought his body up and carried himself lazily toward the blackboard.

"Nah, Hikaru you are ten years too early to be able to solve that problem. Besides, you have your head on the desk most of the time, there's no way you would even remember the formula for Arithmetic Series." Another student said, while another clapped his back.

Akira turned his gaze to Yun-sensei and pondered at the fact that the teacher wasn't silencing them or defending Hikaru. Did Yun-sensei dislike Hikaru?

Hikaru had been standing there writing neatly which was a huge contrast compared to the lousy way he presented himself. Akira checked the work and thought that it was going well; he just hoped he didn't mess up in one of the calculations.

"Hikaru go back to your seat." Yun-sensei said after seeing Hikaru's unmoving figure before the board.

"Yun-sensei, I almost got it!" Hikaru exclaimed, as he continued writing.

Akira stared, confused as to why Hikaru was writing so many numbers, and why he had to fill the board completely when he only required a small space.

"Sit back down." Yun-sensei's voice was strict and stolid, a tone Akira had never heard from said teacher since he had attended Kaio High School. Almost six years, if he included his Middle School time all the way till now.

"Okay sensei, I am done!" Hikaru said as he sauntered toward his seat as if he had achieved something amazing.

Noticing the sudden laugher, Akira snapped his eyes back to the board, only to stare in shock. Hikaru had used many numbers to form a collage of Yun-sensei's face in a cartooned style. It trailed from the left board all the way to the end of the right board; where in a comic bubble was the answer to the problem.

If one had not looked closely, they would not had figured out all the numbers formed a larger picture. Just like Yun-sensei whom had stood to the side and close to the board would not have seen, unlike his students who sat facing toward the collage.

Hikaru was ingenious in the ways that no one would had thought, and also daring, for it took someone with the will power in order to execute something as risky as that.

And knowing the consequences.

"Hikaru detention with me after school today for two hours!"

"Aaaw sensei I know you want my company but you don't have to be so selfish."

"Detention tomorrow!"

"I would stick to you even without the detention sensei."

"Hikaru!"

Akira had been thinking a lot ever since he met Hikaru. And there were times he was amazed by his outrageous actions, disgusted by his childish attitude, confused by his sudden apathy, and shocked by his talent in Go. He might not be able to gauge his Go skills yet, but he knew from what he had seen and faced against that he was good. What Akira wanted was a rematch to see who would truly be the winner.

But at times like these, Akira really wanted to slap some senses into that foolish mind.

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	5. My Life in a House of Memories

**A/N:** As promised, I have updated on (05/25/12) and I am sure many like the fact that I state the date I will update. But even without you urging me to update I would still like to see some response toward each chapter I present to you. It will definitely help me improve the story more, and give me more ideas. Besides that, I would also like to understand more on your reaction toward each chapter. Now then on to **Q/A—**

**Q:** Do you mean yaoi or shounen-ai?

**A:** I know the difference between yaoi and shounen-ai, I am a fan of both so I would know. But you are correct, I meant shounen-ai, the reason why I used yaoi was because that's what I prefer to use. Anyway you know what both have in common...love between two guys...so I didn't really see a difference in making it more explicit, unless you actually desired one of them in this story. But seeing as it isn't all that favored, I will not put any in my story.

**Q:** When Ochi said 'murderer' was it related to Hikaru's fear in some way?

**A:** Yes, it is related. But as to how, you will have to find out. But Ochi's relative was _pretty close,_ so good job, you are really thinking deep about this story.

This time there wasn't as many questions, which is fine, I hope that you will enjoy this chapter and give me some feedback!

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 5: My Life in a House of Memories**

**_"When one drop falls,  
it is only the beginning of a bigger spill.  
When all is settled,  
and the destruction is laid before you,  
there might be something beautiful  
ahead of you."_**

"**M**ari-san, thank you for letting me stayed at your home for these past weeks." Hikaru said as he threw his book bag over his shoulder. He held it in a laidback manner as he gave a casual salute to the woman leaning against the back of the couch.

She was a blonde haired woman in her late twenties, with a D-cup nearly spilling over her pink gown. She gave a lazy yet seductive smile before speaking up, "You can come back at anytime, my door will always be open for you."

Hikaru gave another cheerful smile before he walked out of the apartment. He yelled one last time before the metal door closed, "Bye Mari-san!"

Hikaru walked down the hallway and pressed the button on his right side. He stood silently and waited for the elevator to get to the eighth floor.

As he waited, he began to think back on the day he had met Mari-san. It was like any other day, he haven't wanted to go back home, and so he sat before the train station studying people as they drifted in their own world. It was comfortable to sit in the dying summer while listening to music. He didn't feel so lonely as people gathered around him. They walked by, they yelled into their phones, they mingled with others, they just _breathed_. And that was all Hikaru cared.

But at some point during autumn, Mari-san had begun to notice him; noting that a teenager was sitting by himself from afternoon to evening. And so she walked toward him and talked to him in curiosity.

It became a routine. But just when branches were nearly naked, she offered him a place to stay, and so he accepted it. He didn't want to face his mom and her sadness. The questions, the sympathy and the pain, they were all familiar to him. He wanted to make his mom proud and happy, but he couldn't. It was as if living was just another task. The desire to achieve and conquer something had left him years ago, and he was just there to fill in the space.

Mari-san never questioned his motives and his past. She was just there to comfort him and give him shelter. But now that his mother was in the hospital, Hikaru was going to try and change. He had stopped his habits in resorting to cigarettes when stress got to him. He had also declined offers from his friends to go to clubs. Yet these changes weren't a big difference to the larger picture Hikaru was trying to paint.

It was hard to quit smoking and drinking, but it was even harder to overcome his fear.

Hikaru stepped inside the elevator and continued his musing. He pressed the ground floor absentmindedly while thinking back on Mari-san and her double innuendo she always threw at him. He had been flustered and embarrassed. It had taken him awhile to get used to her playful words. Now her teasing did not affect him to some degree. Even if she was the hottest woman he had ever seen, he could now look at other females indifferently.

Hikaru wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Hikaru stepped out of the elevator and made his way out of the building. He was going to start living with his grandfather. He was returning to a nostalgic place where he first learned Go. He was going to be with Sai again, and Hikaru wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

* * *

Akira had always been proud of his calm attitude toward the many surprises in life. It took a lot to throw him off course, and even when it did, he was back on his feet with little effort. Yet today proved to be one of those rare times where it took minutes to attach his soul back into his body.

Today was the title match between Zama Oza and Fujiwara Sai. One that was most spoken of since last month. When Zama Oza had been young and did not have a title, he had been inexperience and had been beaten quite thoroughly by Shindou Heihachi.

Zama Oza had wanted the Kisei title, and had thought he could win against the title holder. Yet his arrogance and attitude had given him a big hurdle which he could not overcome.

Zama Oza had challenged for the Kisei title again the next year and had lost spectacularly, and so it continued for many years. Just when Zama Oza could have gotten the Kisei title, he had lost it to Ichiryu whom had been one step ahead of him in challenging Heihachi.

During his bitter confrontation with Heihachi, he had decided to play against Sai in his Shodan match. Taking his anger out in the twelve years old boy at the time. He had won by a large margin, but had not managed to break down Sai's pride in the least.

Now after nine years, the 9-dan had finally claimed his revenge by taking the Oza title from the temperamental ex-title holder.

As many would say, karma had finally worked its magic.

Or was it irony in its play?

Akira will never know as he stared at the T.V. screen as it showed the live game. He was seating among other Go professionals.

The game had ended ten minutes ago, but both Zama and Sai were probably discussing the game or being interviewed by Amano-san. Meanwhile the pros in the viewing room were all either talking about the game or in silence.

Akira glanced at the blonde man in the white suit, noting that his expression was set in stone as liquid fire lit his hazel eyes. Ogata was probably energized by Sai's win, and by the taping of his fingers he was probably excited to have his next match against Sai.

Akira could only turn sharply to his left side in envy. He quietly wondered if there was a rival for him, or would he have to challenge the power hungry ahead of him?

After all, there is nothing behind him that he should fear.

Only a half blonde, but he wasn't even on the race.

* * *

Sai had finally given what was reserved, and had taken what had been abused. Zama was a man full of arrogance and dishonesty. He had also abused his power as a title holder, and done many disgraceful things.

Sai had gone through the interview in a breeze, so much that he had sat there listening more about Amano-san asking how Zama felt about the lost. It was as if salt was being rubbed against a bleeding wound—for sadism's sake— and then lemon juice was poured as if it was water.

If there was pity needed anywhere, it would be right here in the Room of Profound Darkness.

Sai had smiled kindly, nodding in the right places and commenting at the right moment. Yet all the while he wondered if he could have done something five years ago.

If he could have helped his cousin as easy as he had won this game, then maybe a lot of things would be different right now. But they are all 'if' and in reality such a thought weighted nothing on the wide expands of things.

Life five years ago had been so assuring. It was as if things had been already laid out for all of them.

Except for one person, and that's his little cousin…

…Hikaru.

When nothing could have gotten better, things turned for the worse in one day. It wasn't as if a day could have given one talented boy a burden of a lifetime. It wasn't just _one_ incident that changed the road of an already destined Go pro.

It was the many other factors that followed, that kept pushing the struggling boy to a hell's pit. He was swallowed, and the hands of the past held him down from ever climbing the wall.

From ever overcoming his fears, and reaching his dreams.

"Well then Sai-sensei, is there anything else you want to add?" Amano-san asked, breaking Sai's sullen thoughts of the past.

"No, nothing at all. Thank you." Sai said politely as he bowed in a traditional matter before giving his goodbyes and heading toward the parking lot.

On his way he met a blonde haired man whom many called him as his rival. But Sai acknowledge one more person that was befitting of being his rival as well. It was the boy that had pulled him from his sadness, a boy that was all smiles and jokes. A boy whom he had taught Go, and spend many nights playing games with.

But was that boy gone now?

Sai have not given up in Hikaru, but he was in doubt.

"It was a well played game." Ogata commented as he walked Sai to the parking lot.

"Thank you." Sai nodded, but his thoughts couldn't help but trail back to the boy that plagued his mind. Hikaru has yet to come and live with Heihachi and him even though his necessary things had been moved.

"Our match will be in three weeks, we are both aiming for the Honinbo title, but you know that old man. He will defend his title to the very end." Ogata remarked as he leaned against his red sport car.

"Kuwabara-sensei has been holding the Honinbo title for as long as my uncle, it is something he takes pride in, and we cannot hold it against him for wanting to continue keeping said title to himself." Sai said as he pushed some of the silky strands from his eyes.

"You should cut your hair if is bothering you." Ogata pointed out, already used to Sai's stiff and polite manner of speaking.

The younger male was rather traditional for Ogata's liking, and reminded him a lot of Akira. But Sai was more effeminate than the son of his sensei, and even more graceful than geisha performers in Kyoto.

The Go weekly talked a lot about Sai, and many women from young to old were infatuated by his beautiful appearance. On the other hand, Ogata was considered handsome and stern—which he preferred—while Sai was recognized as elegant and kind-hearted. At times Ogata would jab the younger male's looks, and how many would mistake him for a female if not for the formal black suit with a tint of magenta he wore everyday.

"It has sentimental value." Sai answered before opening the silver Mercedes-Benz. He had never liked driving, but it was better than public transportation seeing as women would gather around him, and the fact that he got lost easily.

Not that driving a car was any better since he always got tickets from parking in places that he wasn't supposed to. His car was always scratched or bumped, so it was a wonder how he had survived for so long.

He would be bankrupt if not thanks to his insurance.

"So does the _earrings_, whatever value they might have, it really makes you appear like a woman." Ogata said as he too got inside his car.

Sai grumbled as he slammed the driver seat's door closed. Ogata always had to throw in his two cents about his looks everytime. He began to drive and hopefully he would get home in one piece.

Sai touched his hair, the comments about his looks no longer bothering him. It only annoyed him to a point where it was bearable. He was never going to cut his hair beyond mid back. Touching his hair reminded him of Hikaru, and brought forth memories of the past.

As Sai headed back to the Shindou household, his mind began to make its way to a familiar topic in his mind. One that he always wanted to help but was never allowed to by the subject of his worries.

But tonight will be like a drop of rain from a heavy cloud, a downpour that will soon occur. And Sai was not sure he will be able to handle Hikaru.

* * *

When Sai entered the traditional Japanese house, he was delighted to see worn down sport shoes lying sloppily on the ground. He hurriedly removed his own dress shoes and began to make his way to the seating area where he and his little cousin would go to for a game of Go.

But to his disappointment he did not see a familiar figure seated cross-legged on the cushion while recreating a Go game. Sai dropped his head downward to gaze at his feet, deep down reminding himself that this was the present time.

Hikaru avoided the kaya board like it was a disease, and Sai had never seen his little cousin touch those sleek stones from one of the bowls. He rarely visited the traditional home of theirs.

But then a loud curse resonated inside the house and Sai immediately snapped his head upward in happiness. Even if Hikaru despised Go, at least he was willing to live with them for two months. Sai assured himself silently while making his way to the familiar voice.

Hikaru had hit puberty when he turned fourteen; his height was nearly the same as Sai, and his voice was much deeper and lower. Yet his little cousin will always remain little in Sai's heart.

"Hikaru?" Sai called out from outside the bathroom.

"Wait a second!" Hikaru yelled back sounding distracted for some reason.

The noise of rustling clothing was heard, followed by another yell of surprise and then a curse as the sound of a body smacking on a wet tiled floor resounded on the second floor of the Shindou Heihachi's residence.

Sai got extremely worried and opened the door in panic. He could already imagine Hikaru slipping and hitting the back of his head against the edge of the bathtub, and ultimately leaving him blind or dead.

Fortunately what Sai had predicted had not occurred.

But unfortunately, the force of his strength on the door slammed against the side of Hikaru's temple with a deafening echo. Sai looked down and wondered what had been stuck behind the door, to his distress it was the head of one Shindou Hikaru.

Sai immediately moved away and pushed the door closed so he could inspect the damage. He cringed as he saw Hikaru groaning while holding his forehead.

"Shit!" Hikaru howled in pain, while twisting his body in agony.

Sai kneeled down and nearly fainted as he saw the amount of blood dripping from Hikaru's temple.

"Sai!" Hikaru called, trying to shake the long haired Go pro from his frozen state.

Sai looked directly into Hikaru's emerald irises and shook from guilt and self-abhorrence. "Don't worry; just get the first aid kit!" Hikaru instructed from where he was laying.

Sai stood and began to search the bathroom cabinet in hysteria while looking for the box.

Their reunion was not how Sai had expected it to be.

* * *

Once the commotion had simmered, both cousins sat across from each other in the dining room.

"I'm sorry Hikaru!" Sai wailed as he extended the last part, tears at the corner of his eyes.

"Nah is okay; at least we didn't need to stitch anything back." Hikaru laughed awkwardly as he scratched his neck.

"But I could have killed you!" Sai's shoulders were trembling as he covered his face with his hands.

"I'm not dead, stop thinking about the things that haven't come true." Hikaru said silently, his voice solid and void of any emotion as he stared gravely into Sai's violet blue eyes. His words weren't just assurance, but an implication of the past as well.

"Hikaru…"

"If I survived a stab wound to my stomach, isn't that enough proof?" Hikaru countered heatedly as he stood up impulsively.

It wasn't as if he hated Sai—no, he cared and loved his cousin dearly—he just wasn't ready to face him. Yet he was here. To change and move on, to finally step out of the shadows and into the light that had warmed his heart.

The light that had also nearly killed him.

"But Hikaru it was my fault!" Sai stood up as well, though he felt his knees weaken from the reminder of those dark days.

"So was the burn on my hand!"

Sai gasped, his gaze landing on Hikaru's right hand. It was perfectly fine, but if Hikaru opened his fist and showed his palm…

…there will be a cigarette burn.

Sai's determination was broken down, and tears began to slip. His heart was writhing in pain, making it hard to even breathe. Sai looked at the table in defeat, unable to meet the eyes of someone that had meant the world to him. The boy that had pulled him from his grief, and into the rays of happiness. Taught him to care again. To let him lean in for support.

A tug on his hair reminded Sai of old times, but he refused to look at the person whom he had hurt without meaning to. The persistent hand tugged again, this time more forceful but not hard enough to actually tear strands of silky hair.

Sai looked toward the little cousin of his and received a sincere expression. But it was the soothing voice that really calmed his feelings.

"The things that happened in the past—even if they were your fault—you never meant to hurt me. They fell on my shoulders because your fortress was impenetrable, and I was your only weakness. I have never blamed you for them; it was just that I was too beat to overcome them all…"

Sai felt his hair being caressed before being released. Hikaru continued silently,

"…but I am going to conquer what I was afraid of for the past five years, and I will need your help in order to do so."

Sai breathed in, as if he had been submerged in dark waters and had been withheld from his precious oxygen. He stared at Hikaru, his heart overflowing with happiness he hasn't been graced upon since years.

The smile on Hikaru was one that Sai had missed for a long time, and he couldn't help but returned it. A grin of childishness he only gave to Hikaru.

"I am glad."

"Me too." Hikaru whispered, before adding as if an afterthought.

"I lost nearly a hundred games already."

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	6. My Accidental Meeting

**A/N: **So here is chapter 6! I decided to update earlier than expected because I finished this chapter before my deadline. I am kind, no? But I must say it's not as long as the others, but it contains many surprises... I would also like to say thanks to those who gave me feed back, _I love you guys_, and also for those that put my story as one of their favorite and/or alert. I would also remind you that this story is rated **T** so they will curse, even though I won't use cursing much...it is a warning. Now then, let's move on to **Q/A:**

**Q: **Will story focus on Hikaru and his phobia? Or will it be more about Hikaru and Sai's relationship?

**A: **I would say it would be both of them. While some chapters might not revolve around Hikaru's phobia it doesn't mean that his obstacle is lesser. It also wouldn't make sense if all I write in each chapter I upload, talk about Hikaru and his problems. It has to be balanced, so there will be chapters where it describes the the current situation, or just revolve around them interacting.

**Q: **Whenwill you get to the point of Hikaru's 'incident' and explain about the 'murderer' accusation from Ochi?

**A: **If I had just given you the main point of this story after five chapters, I did say this story will be short, very short. So no you won't get to read that _particular_ part yet. As cruel and evil as you all think I am, I won't just give you what you want just because you beg. I actually think you should suffer. Mwuhahaha! Anyway, I got side-tracked... I was planning to make this story about 25-30 chapters long, so we might never get to that part until like the very end. _Nah_, I was just kidding. We will get there soon enough. After all I have been updating consistently.

**Q:** Why don't you get a beta?

**A:** I would, but I also _would not_. I have been writing since 8th grade (middle school) and I can tell you I have had _4_ betas/editors. They eventually leave me, for they have a life and also because they don't get paid. And neither do I get paid for what I write. So we basically go at our own pace. I am grateful that they helped me in both my grammatical errors (most commonly known: it's and is) as well as helping me with the plot. My grammatical errors are mostly influenced by the language I speak, and I speak 3 languages. My first: being cantonese, second: spanish, and lastly third: english. Also since we do not get paid, beta can just up and go, never to be seen again and writers can just discontinue/abandon their work. Anyway, I hope you see my point. I am not getting a beta if he/she decides to quit and never tell me...

Well then, let's move on to the story!

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 6: My Accidental Meeting **

**_"Someone once told me,  
strength lies within our heart,  
and not the actions or achievement we make.  
I am about to overcome what no one thought I could,  
it is the strength of my heart that drove me here."_**

**M**itsuko stared at the pot of flowers beside her bedside. She felt tears trail down her cheeks as she continued to study those precious flowers. The flowers Hikaru liked the most since young.

Forget-Me-Not was a small flower with a meaning as huge as this hospital room. Mitsuko softly touched the small petals as a smile graced her lips. She began to think back on the not-so-secret-visit her son had paid her.

* * *

She had been trying to rest, but the familiar footfall of her son drew her attention so she waited silently to see what her son was doing. After a few awkward shuffle, something solid was placed beside her bed. Then silence filled the room and just when Mitsuko was about to open her eyes, a deep intake of breath interrupted her.

She continued to pretend, wondering curiously why her son was so quiet and tense. It was unlike him to stay quiet and remain rooted in one single point.

Just as she was about to really fall asleep, her son said quietly, "I'm sorry mom."

And it immediately shook her to awareness.

Her eyes were burning from love and regret but she didn't dare to move as her son kept talking, "I have been a horrible son, haven't I? Like a wayward prodigal son, with the skills but without an aim."

Mitsuko had to gather all her will to not just cry and hug her son, it was really painful, but she wanted to listen till the end. So she laid on the bed, trying to breath evenly so not to make her son realize her act.

"I have been trying to change; I already stopped my smoking and drinking habits. You know, I met a good friend after the whole crisis with the police station. He is a jerk sometimes but he is trying to help me change. To overcome my fears. I think is working…" Hikaru muttered unsurely, while a sound of scratching was heard.

Mitsuko tried not to smile at her son's antics.

"…and Sai he gave me a big whack on the head—not intentionally!—but now I have a bump on my forehead. Anyway, you know how I always try to avoid seeing him? Well I am not going to hide anymore; I am going to be living with him for awhile. But you know, grandpa was so slick! He left for Kyoto the day I moved to their house, I'm sure he's trying to get me and Sai to be all familiar again…gah. Ah, I am getting off topic! What I was trying to say was—mom you don't have to worry anymore, and I miss your cooking. A lot. Sai is a horrible cook, and all I can make is ramen but you know that new friend I was talking about? Well he makes amazing burger over rice, and he said he is going to become a chef. Unbelievable right?"

Hikaru was always such a talkative boy, it almost made Mitsuko giggle as she kept listening. It had been awhile since she heard Hikaru talk about his daily activities. It was nostalgic to listen to him talk, and with him always getting off topic it was a miracle anyone could understand him. But of course, Mitsuko prided herself in being so insightful when it was related to her son.

She realized that she was succumbing to her own thoughts and tried to get a hand on reality again, only to feel a hand brushing her hair away from her eyes.

"Take care, and get better soon mom." Hikaru whispered as he gave a small peck on his mom's forehead.

When the familiar footfall began to dim and the door had slid silently, Mitsuko had to strain her ears to hear the echo of her son's feet carry him farther away from her.

She raised herself to a sitting position and gently touched her cheeks, realizing that she had let a tear slip. She turned to her left and was surprised to see small blue flowers.

"Hikaru…"

* * *

Mitsuko opened her eyes again, and turned toward the window to gaze at the vast blue sky. One said that after a huge storm there will be a beautiful bright blue sky. Something beautiful was taking place, and she knew it. She just wondered when she will be able to see the fruits of her son's hard work. _Soon, very soon…_

* * *

"Waya what are you doing? I thought we were going to discuss Sai-sensei and Zama Oza's match." Nase Asumi complained, as she stared at her friend's back.

She was nineteen years old and a 3-dan currently. After Ochi, Waya, and Isumi had passed the Go pro exams, it still took her and Fuku another year to actually join their friends. Honda had passed a year before her with another insei and one outsider.

Now they were in Waya and Isumi's apartment trying to discuss the title match that had occurred yesterday. _Trying to_ being the keyword, as one lazy head was so induced in his online Go game. He was a Go pro now, and yet he was still obsessed, with what? Nase could only guess.

"We will have to start addressing Sai-sensei as Sai Oza won't we?" Fuku said while munching some BBQ chips.

"That would be correct." Isumi answered while he placed the stones in their proper places, before checking from the kifu to see if it was correct.

"So what got you so obsessed?" Nase asked as she walked to Waya and stood behind his chair to study the game he was having with another player.

"Baka? Who uses baka as their username, I mean seriously?" Nase asked incredulously as she bursted into laughter.

"The point is not the name! He is incredibly strong." Waya yelled before clicking the lower right corner.

"Waya has been playing a lot with Baka, and he has been ranting a lot to me about their games. Apparently Baka isn't amazingly strong or anything but lately he has gotten better. At a rapid pace I would say. He has been losing less moku, but he has yet to win a game. Waya says his endgame is rather pathetic, but he seems awfully interested in this individual for some reason." Isumi supplied while he continued to place stones in their respective spots.

"Oh, I see." Nase mumbled, but as she stared at Waya and Baka's game, she had to admit this guy _was_ strong.

But as Isumi had informed his endgame did suck terribly. Waya made a strangled yet frustrated sound while Nase tried to contain her giggles. For someone so strong yet to never win a game, wasn't such a character interesting? Very much, as she watched the game in humor as the player opposite to Waya finally resigned.

"Arrrg!" Waya exclaimed before writing a comment to the other player. Nase leaned closer in order to read the response.

Zelda: Are you taking me seriously? Or is this a joke to you?

Baka: I don't know, what do you think?

Waya used both hands to rustle his hair in frustration while Nase laughed to herself. Then with an unknown vigor Waya retorted,

Zelda: I know you are trying to get stronger, but if you are going to play half-heartedly don't play at all! You are insulting other Go players!

There was no reply, and Waya was about to yell in anger but was cut short by a door bell. Looks like Honda was finally here for the discussion.

Isumi stood up and opened the door to welcome his friend, and to his surprised he saw Ochi as well.

"I invited him since we were talking about the match between Sai-sensei and Zama-sensei, and he was interested about the discussion…"

Waya's growl overlapped Honda's explanation, and it drew everyone's attention to the brunette with a tint of red in his hair.

"Asshole! Just wait until I get a hand of you…I will strangle your neck and pull out all your hair and hand your ass back at you…"

Everyone remained frozen, except for Nase whom was holding her stomach while laughing in hysteria. Whoever that Baka was called sure was interesting, it really made her day.

On the computer screen, one answer which had infuriated Waya Yoshitaka 5-dan and made Nase's stomach ache will soon trigger a chain reaction between these young pros and one hidden online player.

Baka: I am not trying to get stronger; I am trying to overcome something that you will never be able to do even in ten life times. And in our next game I will win, just wait and watch!

* * *

"Say, Mitani can you come to my house and cook something? I am dying of hunger!" Hikaru complained as he stepped out of the internet café.

Mitani called his goodbyes to his college sister before rushing to his friend.

"What? Can't your cousin cook?" Mitani asked, already informed about Hikaru's situation and how he had to live with his other relatives. He felt bad for Hikaru, but it also made him realize that his mom and dad were probably worried about his delinquent tendencies as well.

So they both promised to quit fighting, drinking, smoking, and gambling. Anything related to the word delinquent in that matter.

"Sure he can, but they are all traditional Japanese food. They are bland! He never adds any seasoning besides salt and pepper. What happened to the spicy stuff? Boring." Hikaru sang the last part out in exaggeration.

Mitani hesitated before finally saying, "Sure put you supply me with the food and kitchen equipment."

"Awesome, let's go now! I want to eat curry, burger, fried rice…say can you make dessert too? I would love some mochi or some chocolate cake…" Hikaru drooled at the thought of all these delicious food.

While Mitani wondered what he had signed up for. Sure it would be great practice for him, but it will tire the hell out of him with a bottomless stomach like Hikaru.

Then something caught Mitani and Hikaru's attention, and they both fell into silence as they listened.

There was a grunt in the dark alleyway, followed by groans and solid bodies hitting against brick walls. There was a shriek of metal against glass. The sound of bones cracking, of wet splash on concrete ground filled the quiet street. The smell of coopery liquid lingered in the air.

There was a reason why people began to avoid this street, because a fight was happening and it was only smart to run for it. Save your own hide before you worry about others, as people would say. Who cares if anyone else is dying?

Mitani tugged Hikaru but the half blonde wouldn't react.

The red haired teenager glanced at his friend, and was left in cold feet as he registered the cold and bitter smiled Hikaru now wore.

"Hikaru, let's go! Didn't you promise that you wouldn't fight anymore? To quit being a delinquent? To make your mom proud? Come on, let's get out of here!" Mitani half yelled and half whispered, using all his force to drag the other boy but to no avail.

Instead, the half blonde pulled out of his grasp with a strength Mitani had never seen Hikaru use. And then he was gone, rushing and running into the dark alley. Without fear, without regret.

And Mitani cursed as he followed his blonde friend, hoping no one would call the police and get his friend in trouble again. He was a good guy—he really was—but because of all this shit, he was being looked down as a vulgar that could not change. Just like when a criminal was sentenced and no one dared to give another chance. It is also the reason criminals never change, because no one had the confidence that criminals could amend.

"Fuck this!"

* * *

"Akira-san?" A woman most would consider beautiful was now staring in concern, as she called out to the gentle and polite boy she deemed perfect. Yes, perfect compare to the two rowdy kids that had visited Touya's Go Salon. Ichikawa Harumi kneeled slightly so she could meet the gaze of the younger male whom was seated before the Go board.

"Sorry Ichikawa-san I was thinking and got side tracked…" He replied polite while smiling, a smile that was by the law of nature one of the most beautiful things created by God. It was only his profession and popularity in the Go world that kept others from him. After all he seemed unapproachable to most, and it was only the jealous one that ever had the guts to confront him.

But there was also one that was neither shy nor jealous. He was just a teenager that was not bound to these human's expectations. A wandering cloud was all Ichikawa could think of that reminded her of the half blonde.

"Would you like some tea?" Ichikawa-san asked to the Go prodigy.

"Yes, please." _Aaah, such a polite boy…he was one in a million._

"Akira-sensei are you ready for the Hokuto Cup coming up?" One of the patrons asked from the next table where his game had just ended.

"I almost forgot about that, isn't it taking place next month?" An elderly man whom had been the opponent said next.

"Yes, it will probably be my last year in the Hokuto Cup." Akira answered, while Ichikawa-san returned to her station to get drinks for both him and the patrons.

"Too bad Ko Yongha won't be participating anymore, last year was his last. He is nineteen now, isn't he? There still other tournaments between Japan, South Korea, and China." Another said, a tone of sadness can be clearly distinguished.

Akira felt the same; Ko Yongha was a very strong opponent. Hopefully he would come to visit and they could share another game. The first time they had played against each other in the Hokuto Cup, Akira had lost.

The second time Akira had won by a small margin, and their last game which was last year had ended in Yongha's favor. They were evenly matched, and they both considered each other rivals. But because of the distance they rarely played; only once in a blue moon they would play online.

And even then, it was different from an official match.

"But I heard there is a really strong Go pro in Korea…" Someone trailed, which caused others to become more interested in the conversation.

"You mean Hon Suyon?" Another patron inserted.

Akira accepted the tea Ichikawa-san brought back and drank it silently while the other began to name some of the younger Korean Go professional.

"No, currently the strongest is a boy named Kim Jae. He is seventeen years old; he passed the Korean pro exams last year and is extremely strong."

"If he is so strong then why didn't he enter sooner?"

"No idea, but rumors say he had been sick for a long time."

"I thought it was because he was being withheld by his family from entering?"

"That too…he was the only son to a powerful Korean show business agency."

Akira began to think back to yesterday's email he got from Yongha,

_'Someone strong is coming from behind you; watch your back during the tournament or you might lose.'_

Akira was ticked off that the other Korean pro would consider himself higher than him, when they were both evenly matched. He was after all a very arrogant Go pro. If Akira was going to watch his back, then the other should too since there was one Japanese boy that could take Yongha by surprise.

* * *

When Hikaru made his way to the fight that was taking place in the alleyway he knew that he would regret it, but he wasn't going to walk away. Yet he wasn't prepared when he finally got there to see the results of the fight.

One man in his early twenties stood in the middle, his clothes soaked in blood. Bodies were scattered all around, all of them dressed in a similar school uniform. They were groaning in pain, or trying to crawl away from the terrifying man.

Hikaru could see that this had been an uneven fight since the beginning. Ten teenagers against one man, yet he stood like a black jaguar—ready to attack at any moment.

The man's fists were bloodied, his arms had many tattoos, and his ears pierced. His hair was as red as the blood that clung to his clothing. His bangs were falling into his eyes, casting away his emotions.

One of the teenagers brought their feet back underneath them and silently stalked toward the red haired man. A metal bat glinted under the light as it drew upward Hikaru ran with his fist prepared. He hit the other boy with all the strength he had and sent him against the brick wall. The teenager was left unconscious with a bluish bruise forming at the edge of his left eye. Soon enough it will turn into a black eye.

Hikaru hated cowards that attack from behind the most. But as he turned back to the man, all thoughts left him. And all he could do was stared in shock at those familiar brown eyes.

Those eyes that had at first been covered by red bangs gazed toward him in recognition. Hikaru begun to inch back, all the while wondering why he had such a horrible luck.

But no matter what amount of distance he put, it wouldn't make a difference. So instead Hikaru stood and laughed awkwardly, trying to hide his trembling hands in his pockets. But he knew that the other would notice, after all they went way back.

"Long time no see, Kaga."

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	7. My Past and the Unforgettable

******A/N: **Surprisingly, there seems to be no questions in need to be answered. Therefore there won't be any **Q/A**... I was also hoping there did be more response on Chapter 6, guess the cliffhanger wasn't enough, huh? Well then lets move on to Chapter 7!

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 7: My Past and the Unforgettable**

**_"Demons of the past  
are our executioner of today.  
Could hope be the wings of tomorrow?  
Or shall we fall from high above,  
Like a fallen angel?"_**

**W**hen Hikaru's life came crashing down, and that 'incident' had occurred—he had met Kaga. Now that he thought of it, he had been rather pathetic. He couldn't hold his own in a fight against one, unlike Kaga whom could fight as many as five. Then again, it wasn't as if Hikaru would throw a punch at someone for pissing him off. He was usually reluctant to get involved in a brawl. Kaga on the other hand, was the first to strike with his fist before he thought about the consequences. His motto was 'beat the crap out of them, and then cuss them till they pee'.

He was twelve at the time he met Kaga; the red haired teenager being fifteen and with an attitude as awful as the sting of a bee. Their chance upon each other was what drove Hikaru into being a delinquent, but ultimately it was Kaga whom pushed him away from his self-pity and guilt ridden mind.

**~Flashback~**

"I really hate kids like you, you know? You don't even try, and yet you always win. You walk around thinking you are better than others, and when you stare at them you can't help but laugh, right? Thinking deep inside, why do they even try? Well for someone like you who's got talent, fame, and the guidance of your grandfather you wouldn't know how it feels like to be like us, huh?" The sixteen years old teenager with short dark hair sneered, as he mocked the boy he was currently kicking in the stomach.

Another teenager with light brown hair and tan skin said next, "Your cousin became a pro on the very first try, he had no loses, while we whom had taken the exam with him had lost by a wide margin. The following three years we still couldn't make it. He crushed our dreams by showing how easy it was to grasp it, and yet how hard it was for _us_ to even touch what we had wanted for years! Why were monsters like you and your cousin born?" After finishing his bitter speech, he took out a switch knife and began to study the shiny blade.

"Your cousin's strength was suffocating…" Another muttered from where he was leaning against. He was the leader of the gang as well as the one that had composed this stratagem. He held a cigarette and seemed dazed by the smoke that rose into the air.

"But you, who defeated all of us, had a power that was even more fearsome than your cousin. And you are only twelve, isn't it rather unimaginable? You entered the exam as an outsider, won every game in a breeze, and slaughtered all your opponents before they even reached yose… I don't find your cousin as much of a threat as you are, Shindou Hikaru." The leader of the gang pushed his body from the wall, and crouched before the twelve years old boy with bleached bangs.

"I would say that killing the baby lion now would be the best for all of us, after all we don't want you turning out to be a lion that would devour us all, now would we?" The one that had been kicking Hikaru in the stomach decided to move to another part of the boy's body. With a devilish grin, the short haired teenager brought his foot up to stomp the twelve years old right hand. The one that held the Go stones, and had delivered their loses to them.

The half blonde opened his mouth to release a cry that would shake any man or woman and make corpses roll in their grave. It echoed and bounced off of walls, the sound should have alerted by passers, yet no one came to his rescue. Strangers wouldn't reach out of their comfort zone to save someone that was deep inside a dark alley.

"Correct. But we should finish this soon, before someone prevents us from our goal. Shiro?" The long haired nodded while he gestured the other boy whom had been studying the knife to come closer.

"Strike him right here." The leader pointed at the area stomach close to the rib cage where the kidney should be.

"It won't kill him, but he would bleed to death before anyone comes here. But just to make sure he dies faster, we should also stab his other kidney since we never know if someone would find his body in time." The leader informed, as he smiled down at the boy that had stopped screaming.

The boy was pale, tears slipping from the corners of his eyes to run down his temple and onto the ground. The long haired really liked that scared expression, too bad he couldn't torture the little boy to his heart's desire. He sighed before moving back so Shiro could come forth and do as he had instructed.

The light brown haired with tan skin sat upon the younger boy's hip bones so he could limit the other's movement. The dark haired followed suit and held the boy's hands down. He seemed especially ecstatic as he put pressure on the broken wrist, causing the boy to cry in pain.

Shiro was quick and fast as he dug his switch knife into the boy; he took out the knife and watched as a red puddle began to form. The blood was eating away the white dress shirt at a rapid pace.

"Shiro, move on!" The leader yelled, snapping the other teenager from the trance he had succumbed in. Even though the light haired teenager wanted to stop now, he couldn't seem to control his staring. It was so easy to take away a life…

Just when Shiro had lifted his knife again, a kick landed on his hand and the small knife was sent a few feet away. He growled in anger as he glanced upward, only to meet the back of someone's heel. The strike fell on his chin, and the force pushed him from his sitting position. He landed heavily on the ground. As he righted himself, another kick met his stomach and this time he remained on the ground.

The dark haired was slow to react as the unknown teenager charge toward him. In a moment of panic he lifted his hands to cover his face.

"Coward." The other whispered darkly before he punched the other in the stomach.

The dark haired brought his hands down to hold the area where the other had kicked, leaving his face uncovered. The other smirked as he impelled his knuckles against the teenager's cheek. The pain knocking him unconscious.

Meanwhile, the long haired had knelled down to meet emerald eyes. He had smiled, not caring about the fight that was taking place. If he couldn't kill the boy now, he would do so later. But first he had to leave a reminder of his existence to the boy.

"I will come and find you Shindou Hikaru, but for now, I leave you a small present." The long haired whispered into the boy's ear, his smile stretching impossibly wide.

He took the right hand, the sudden pull on the broken wrist causing the boy to whimper, but he ignored it as he put the cigarette right in the middle of the boy's palm. He enjoyed the five seconds of the little boy's pain, but just as he heard the last body fall he rushed out of the alley.

He wasn't going to let himself get caught by the police. He can always finish what he had started later. But for now he will escape.

The red haired growled as he watched that coward run, ready to sprint so he could catch that bastard. But the cries from below him made his eyes widen. The blood that was gathering around the boy was huge, and if there was no medical attention given within thirty minutes the boy could die. So instead the red haired kneeled down and called the ambulance, afterward he took off his jacket and pressed it firmly against the wound. He ignored the howl that erupted, even if it hurt the younger boy, the blood had to be stopped now or it could turn critical later.

This was how a twelve years old Hikaru had met a fifteen years old Kaga, and the beginning of an unusual relationship.

* * *

Hikaru had woken up in a hospital bed. He was told by the nurse that he had been in unconscious for nearly two days. Hikaru couldn't even register what the nurse was saying. All he could do was think of dark eyes, so black that it made Hikaru shiver. From then on, Hikaru couldn't sleep without the lights on.

When his parents had asked him what had happened, Hikaru could only stare, his mind completely blank. The police had come to question him, but even then Hikaru couldn't muster the effort to reply. All he did during his stay in the hospital was stared outside. Watching as morning became afternoon and then night.

Two out of three had been sentenced for prison, their stay will be for fifteen years, but what worried the police and his parents was the last perpetrator. While the two teenagers had evidence to prove them guilty, the last one only left a cigarette burn. But even then the cigarette wasn't in the crime scene.

They knew who the last one was, but that teenager had gone missing from both home and school. Now police could only keep watch on Hikaru, hoping that the perpetrator won't show up to finish the kill.

The doctor had also informed the family that the stab wound hasn't injured the kidney, but it couldn't function either as the tubes and arteries couldn't be saved. So all the doctor could do was remove the kidney and close off the tube and arteries that had once connect the organ. Hikaru had received ten stitches, but that was only part of the list. He had also obtained major bruises on his stomach. Causing the twelve years old to eat light food for a month. His broken wrist cannot be used for six months. The larger part of the list involved the trauma Hikaru had obtained from this incident.

Hikaru had insomnia, but what shocked the Shindou family was the fact that Hikaru had developed a fear for Go. Many had come to a conclusion that it involved the near death experience Hikaru had went through. But only _one_ knew that this came about from not only one incident, but two more.

And that was Hikaru, but he never spoke of it, choosing to keep everything that had happened at the back of his mind. Hoping that he will forget, but knowing that his ignorance will not fix anything.

* * *

Three months have passed, but what had happened was still vivid in his mind. Many talked about his injuries, wondering the story behind them. Hikaru couldn't stand the eyes of his peers any longer, so he had already told his parents that he will be switching schools on his next school year.

But it wasn't really his idea to study at Kaio, especially since many knew they had the best Go club. Yet he wanted to remain as far away from Haze as possible.

Hikaru stopped his train of thought as he heard a slap, but as he studied the situation across from him, it was actually a punch against skin that had caused the sound. Hikaru knew those tall seniors; they were well-known for bullying first years. Hikaru turned his gaze to the freshman; he was nothing remarkable and a pretty easy target for bullying.

Just when Hikaru was going to turn away from the commotion, a desperate cry rebounded off of walls, and it triggered something in Hikaru's mind. He fell on his knees and began to submerge in past memories. His breathing was hallowed, his heart beat jumping faster than an erratic rabbit.

Hikaru clutched his head, feeling as if a hammer was slamming against his skull.

"NO!"

And then there was pain, as if he was relieving the experience of a knife plunging into his stomach. It twisted and then pulled out, and the process was repeated again. Hikaru began to whisper as if it was a mantra, "No, no, no, no, no…"

Hikaru remained in his kneeling position even after the seniors had left and the victim had crawled away. No one caring that he was shivering and sweating.

Yet it was the infamous delinquent of Haze Middle School that came to his rescue again.

Not in a gentle way, as Hikaru felt a fist hit his head.

"Idiot! School has ended, why are you here? Oi!"

Hikaru blinked away the tears and glanced toward the teenager that had spoken in the rude and rough voice. It was the same boy that had saved him in the dark alley.

When their eyes met, the other seem to realized whom he was as he exclaimed, "You! I didn't know a shrimp like you went to my school… man you are so weak, why are you crying for? Instead of doing that, you should stand up and fight you bullies. Or else you will remain a coward for your life!"

Hikaru wondered why this boy was so brusque, but even if his attitude was not appreciated it still brought a warm and safe feeling. Hikaru wanted to be like him.

"Then teach me!"

It seems that their life had just gotten more interesting, or more troublesome…

**~End of Flashback~**

Even though Hikaru owned Kaga for helping him, he still wanted to avoid the other as much as possible. For Kaga was no hero, he was instead the demon incarnated.

"Yo chibi! I haven't seen you for nearly a year now…ah now that I think about it; buy me some food!"

Hikaru grumbled, Kaga never forgot about people whom owned him, rather he used them till they were wasted. Sometimes Hikaru wondered if Kaga was a loan shark, if not, he would make a great one. Not that it would have any benefits to society.

"What did you say?" Kaga asked threateningly, as if he could read minds and know when people where insulting him.

"I guess you could come to my house…"

"Great! I want something fried, actually I would prefer traditional Japanese food since I haven't had some for a while…" Kaga trailed off, to think that such a rude and macho man would like something traditional was rather unthinkable. But as Hikaru already knew, Kaga had grown in a traditional household. His family owning a teahouse being the source of influence in his taste.

"I'm not cooking traditional food!" Mitani declared indignantly, his initial shock had been wasted away by the reminder of food and the fact that he had been charged in cooking at Hikaru's house. Well more like his grandfather's house, but it was basically the same as of now.

"Nah, chill, my cousin is an expert in that area…he can cook for Kaga." Hikaru said, but then his mind trailed back to the situation he was in.

He was supposed to avoid Kaga, since that bully will make him poor in matter of hours. Yet he had been sucked into Kaga's pace, like the red haired man was some kind of black hole.

"Actually…not today Kaga. Bye!" Hikaru said abruptly before dragging Mitani in a rush.

"Shrimp, you aren't getting away! I have been searching for you all around Tokyo, and I still remember that you own me for that Go game you lost to me last year!"

Hikaru had made many mistakes in his lifetime, and goading Kaga into a Go game had been one of them. After all, who would have guessed that a shogi player would be any good in Go? It turns out that Kaga, is in fact rather good in Go and so Hikaru had lost by a wide margin. It wasn't as if he could have won anyway seeing as his fear had always been a seal on his skills.

"Shrimp, if I catch you…" Kaga said darkly as he followed the teenagers, "…you better be ready, I'm gonna hand your ass back once I'm done with it!"

"Never knew you had the hots for me Kaga!" Again not a smart move, but it was the routine between the ex-delinquents.

"Hikaru!"

* * *

As Hikaru, Mitani, and Kaga entered the Shindou Heihachi residence. Both red heads had to withhold a gasp as they realized the household they had just entered. It wasn't the traditional beauty that shocked them, and neither was the garden they had a brief glance of. It was the fact that their friend was actually the grandson of one Shindou Heihachi, a legendary Go player.

Hikaru opened the door, unaware of their dumbfounded expression. The interior of the traditional house could very well surpass Kaga's own house. But that wasn't the last surprise within the famous house; it was the other person that lived in this very house that nearly gave them a heart attack.

Mitani and Kaga stared as their gaze fell upon a beautiful man with long hair and violet irises. He greeted them politely, and it was remarkable that they haven't shouted profanity. After all, how could a perfect man such as Fujiwara Sai be related in any shape of form to one Shindou Hikaru?

"Good Afternoon, you must be Hikaru's friend, he has told me a lot about you…" Sai trailed as his eyes landed on Kaga. Hikaru had mentioned about a boy of his age, but this other one seemed closer to Sai's age rather than Hikaru's.

Then Sai's gaze narrowed as he remembered something that had slipped his mind before, but had now come at full force, "You!"

Kaga wasn't so sure he wanted to be in this majestic house anymore. Not when it seems like one of the strongest in the Go profession, and currently a title holder was glaring at him. He wondered what he could have possibly done, to garner such hostility.

"I remember the time when you bullied Hikaru, and I don't let people get away with bullying my little cousin!"

"Cousin?"

Somehow Hikaru wasn't so sure that he was safe in this house anymore, not when Sai was glaring at Kaga; and Kaga and Mitani was glaring back at Hikaru with accusations.

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	8. My Promise to the Dead

******A/N: **I don't think there are any questions to be answered...but if you do have any that are bothering you please tell me. If this chapter doesn't answer your question, then you may come to me. If this chapter brings forth more questions, you can ask and I will get back to you when the next update comes. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I also hope I'm not moving too fast—

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 8: My Promise to the Dead**

**"_A promise to the dead,  
is like a shackle to the prisoner.  
The prisoner holds the weight of the promise,  
like the dead carries the regret of their untaken paths."_**

**L**ife has always been unexpected, but ever since Mitani had met Hikaru, nothing seems to make sense anymore.

Little things began to unravel before his eyes, but he was no closer to reaching an explanation than he was back in the Go salon they first met. Hikaru had appeared mischief and sort of tight lipped, no matter how misleading his appearance can be, he had secrets too. And a past that not many knew of.

The first shocking thing that Mitani first came about was that Hikaru had talent in Go, but for all his talents, he still lost every game in the end.

Then Hikaru told him about his phobia, and that in itself seemed unbelievable. How could anyone actually be afraid of winning?

The next puzzle piece that seems to fall into place was Kaga, a college student with a tendency of beating people before he even got to the introductions. To Mitani, the relationship between Kaga and Hikaru was one that worked in weird ways, as far as a stranger could see they seemed to have a relation of a cat and a dog.

Now, the biggest puzzle piece finally had shown itself in the form of a famous Go player, Fujiwara Sai. What had stumped Mitani was the fact that Fujiwara Sai and Shindou Hikaru were related. Cousins, the world was really small.

Yet Mitani was no closer in understanding his friend.

"I still remember the day you made Hikaru do all your errands! It wasn't just buying food from the convenience store; he carried your book bag, did your homework, and fought others. If that wasn't enough, you even took all his monthly money and conned him into smoking!" Sai exclaimed dramatically, his hand moving left and right as if to show the gravity of Kaga's influence had done to Hikaru.

Mitani turned his gaze to Hikaru, his friend was rather quiet and that was very unlike him. But the spot Hikaru had been standing minutes ago was empty, which made Mitani panic as he started to look around the kitchen.

Mitani's chocolate brown irises connected with familiar emerald orbs, and while he stared incredulously at his friend, said friend was making a rush out of the traditional household. _That sneaky fox… _

"Hikaru!" Mitani yelled as he made his way toward the entrance, his outburst drawing the argument between Sai and Kaga into an abrupt end.

"Shitty brat, I should have known he would make an escape while I wasn't looking…" Kaga muttered darkly, as he too followed Mitani.

"Don't you dare call my little cousin that!" Sai commented, as his eyes zeroed on the college student. They both exited the traditional house along with Mitani, each of them searching the street for the idiot dubbed delinquent in the Shindou family.

"Tch," Kaga shoved his hands into his pockets and turned back to the diminishing figure of Hikaru. That half blond ran fast when he wanted to, that's for sure.

"Hey, make some food—I'm hungry. That brat will have to come back at some point, besides he promised me that you will be cooking some traditional food." Kaga said, making his way back to the Japanese styled house. Once that half blonde came back he will pay dearly, Kaga will make sure of that.

"I'm not cooking you anything!" Countered the effeminate Go professional.

"He said your cooking was amazing." Kaga complemented even though that wasn't what Hikaru had told him.

"Really?" Sai asked excitedly which made Kaga almost bend over in laugher, who would have known that the famous Go pro whom slaughtered every opponent can be so naïve.

"Absolutely." Kaga said, trying to stop his lips from twitching.

"Well then, I guess I could make something…"

Guess it was believable after all that Hikaru and Fujiwara Sai were related, they were both idiots. Deadly idiots when Go was involved…but right now, Hikaru wasn't much of a challenge.

Yet.

* * *

Hikaru ran as if a lion was chasing him. He didn't take the chance of looking back until he had reached the train station. It was just his luck to encounter Kaga again after a year of playing cat and mouse. If Hikaru had passed a fortuneteller, the cryptic voice would have said _'it was your fate to meet once again; I have seen it in my crystal ball.'_ or so Hikaru had imagined.

"Ugh…" Hikaru grimaced, as he entered the train. He wondered where he could possibly go, but nothing turned up in his mind so he just stood there staring blankly at the passing scenery.

After almost half an hour and randomly getting off at whichever stop, he made his way up the stair. But he would have never guessed that his feet would take him to _that_ bridge.

He made his way toward the bridge, and finally settled himself at the center of the bridge. His shaking hands landed on the stone, and his past came back to haunt him.

**~Flashback~**

"Makemashita…" The dark haired boy whispered from across Hikaru. He could see how much this game had affected him; his shoulders were trembling while his hands shook.

The margin between the loser and the winner was far too great, and for a boy that had always been praised for his talent in Go it was a huge defeat.

"My teacher always said I was talented, and I…I thought so too—until I met you… now I'm not even sure if I was ever gifted for Go. Thank you for the game." The dark haired boy mumbled, his chin nearly touching his chest from the shame.

Hikaru stared numbly as he watched tears fall onto the Go board, what was he supposed to do? Should he cheer the other boy or ignored the whole ordeal?

"Everyone from my elementary school always said I was being haughty just because I was good at something…I was just confident, but then they started excluding and ignoring me. My-my dad never liked the idea of me being a Go pro…but my mom always defended me. But she is dead now, and my da-dad said if I don't pass the exam then I should just give up completely…"

Hikaru stared, studying the bruises on the other boy's arms and noting that the boy also had bandages on his cheeks. He probably had more bruises and cuts on his body, but because Hikaru was so young then, he had assumed it was from being careless. Hikaru had bruises and cuts too so he haven't thought that it had been so unusual then.

"Thank you."

Days later, Tachibana Kei had dropped from the pro exam and Hikaru had assumed he would never meet the dark haired boy again.

That is until he decided to get off the train a stop earlier and walk to the Go Association.

The weather had been warm and humid, nothing abnormal during the summer season. Yet this day marked Hikaru's life, and would cause a chain effect which led him to his phobia.

"What are you doing?" Hikaru asked, as he watched Tachibana sit on the bridge like he had been sitting on a bench instead.

The dark haired boy seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, not even registering Hikaru's question.

"You should get off, is dangerous." Hikaru informed as he got closer.

"I'm sorry…for disappointing you Ochi, but it looks like I'm going to cross the bridge and meet my mom. But I hope you will become a Go pro in my stead. I wish you can accomplish what I couldn't…"

"Hey!" Hikaru yelled, wondering what was wrong with the other boy.

Hikaru took hold of the other boy's arm and finally gained his attention as the dark haired boy turned to meet his eyes.

Hikaru gasped as he noticed the bruises and cuts marring the other boy's face, not only that; there were finger prints on the boy's neck, and the boy's temple was also bleeding.

"Come on, you need to see the doctor. You look horrible!" Hikaru tugged the arm he had been holding, but the other boy remained in his seating position instead.

"It's okay, I won't need the doctor…can you tell Ochi what I just said?" The boy smiled before coughing up blood.

Hikaru stared, his eyes unable to divert from the sight before him.

"Someone call the police! There's a boy seating on the bridge!" A female screamed, and it shook Hikaru to awareness as he finally noticed the gathering people.

"Boy, please come off…is dangerous, listen to uncle and come off." An old man tried to persuade, while a younger man approached from the other side, hoping to tackle the suicidal twelve years old.

"I…hope the next time I reborn, there won't be anymore pain."

"What?" Hikaru held tighter, but his strength wasn't enough as gravity pulled the falling boy out of his grasp.

Hikaru leaned onto the stone rail and gazed downward, but the sight was horrendous. The dark haired boy had fallen on his stomach, and from the height of the bridge it was nearly the same as falling from a three story building.

A scream filled the air, but all Hikaru could see was the dark water turning red.

**~End of Flashback~**

Hikaru took a deep breath as if he had been submerged in waters for nearly two minutes, but even then the image from the past wouldn't fade.

After Tachibana had passed away, the press had gone crazy, they detailed on the events of his death and his past. How the isolation and bullying from his peers was one of the cause which led to his death. As well as the physical and mental abuse of his father and the death of his mother not long before the twelve year old own suicide.

Even with all the explanation behind Tachibana's death, everyone taking the pro exam had assumed it was Hikaru's fault. This had led to people hating him, taunting him and spreading rumors about him. Not long after that, the three teenagers that had lost to Sai had sought Hikaru for their losses to him.

Hikaru had nearly died from the beating he had gained from the three teenagers. These three factor had caused Hikaru to withdraw from the pro exam and become afraid of Go.

_"…can you tell Ochi what I just said?"_

Hikaru gazed into the dark water and said, "I haven't told him yet…because I am a coward."

He had always wondered what would had happened if he had been there for Tachibana. Would he be alive now? Would they be Go professionals together? Hikaru had seen the signs but had been too oblivious to see those bruises for what they were.

He had gained his own bruises from running around, playing with his friends in the park, or just from tripping on his own foot. Not from being abuse by others.

"I'm sorry." Hikaru muttered softly, turning away from the water and making his way back to the train station.

Hikaru bumped into a shoulder but ignored it as he kept walking.

"Watch where you are going." A voice scowled, but Hikaru continued his way.

"Teenagers."

Hikaru glanced from the corner of his left eye, and saw the back of the blonde haired man wearing a white suit.

"Says the man that looks like a pedophile." Hikaru remarked, before making his way back to where he came from.

"Well no pedophile would look at you." The man turned around to glare at the youth, his response dripping with telltale anger.

"Since you are not denying it, guess I was right." Hikaru said, giving the man a smirk that would usually give his grandfather a headache.

"You must be an arrogant insei, picking a fight with me." The blonde man nearly growled as he closed the distance and took hold of the teenager's collar.

"I don't know who you are, but I think the one who is picking a fight is you!" Hikaru shouted, trying to keep up with the blonde haired man. What was this man thinking? Didn't he see that he was about to trip from walking backwards?

Hikaru wasn't about to make a fool out of himself by falling onto the ground on his bum. Yet, it was a comical sight to see a teenager being pulled by none other than Ogata Gosei. Some lingering inseis and staff of the Go Association stared in curiosity at the odd pair.

"Shut up brat!" The blonde haired man yelled instead as he pressed the button, willing for the elevator to come sooner.

"Pedophile!" Hikaru said instead while he tried to wiggle out of the other man's hold.

* * *

The elevator opened, but to the blonde man's frustration, an old man wearing a traditional yukata stood before him. Kuwabara Honinbo really had something against him, as he stood there wearing his know it all smile.

"Let me go!"

Kuwabara tilted his head sideway and gazed at the teenager whom had yelled, his eyes lighting in recognition.

"Well if it isn't the troublemaker…have you finally decided to study under my guide?" Kuwabara asked the half blonde, and it left Ogata in shock as he gazed at the struggling boy.

"Wha?" The teenager turned and gazed into familiar eyes, and couldn't suppress his groan as his shoulder slumped in defeat.

"Just my luck…I knew I should have stayed home…" The half blonde mumbled under his breath, but it was still loud enough for both Ogata and Kuwabara to hear.

The old man cackled before saying, "You are still as cheerful as I remembered…it's been five years but you haven't changed much."

"You too old man." The boy said mockingly, and Ogata was left without words as he stared at the guts this insei had.

"Your grandfather and I had been good friends for many years; I have always hoped to teach you one or two things. He had his nephew, and I thought I could keep his grandson. Too bad it wasn't so, eh? So are you ready to have another game with me?" Kuwabara asked, while Ogata finally got his wits and decided to enter the elevator.

The Honinbo titleholder did not get off, and it grated Ogata's nerves as he pressed the floor where there would be some spare Go board for them to use. The inseis should be done for the day, but there always was a few that stayed to discuss the game.

"Not today, I really want to go home and watch the soccer game between Italy and Spain." The brat really had some attitude; if it was Ogata he would have already strangled such a disrespectful insei.

"That excuse is getting old…" Kuwabara jabbed, as he gazed into emerald irises.

"Let me go," The half blonde struggled again until Ogata conceded and released said brat. The boy continued, "Old like your bones, you mean?"

Kuwabara laughed again, as if the boy had said a joke rather than an insult.

"You amuse me, Shindou Hikaru."

Ogata stared, finally realizing why Kuwabara Honinbo would be so interested in such an insolent boy. This was the supposed Go prodigy; the one that had no loses in the pro exam but had dropped before his position as a pro had been solid. He was also related to Shindou Heihachi, the former Kisei titleholder with a legendary record for keeping the Kisei title for many years.

He was also related to Fujiwara Sai currently holding the Oza title, and his rival.

Ogata couldn't believe his eyes; _this_ disrespectful kid was a prodigy? Rumored to have slaughtered all past inseis and outsiders before they even reached yose, and winning many past competitions, and Akira's childhood rival? This was Shindou Hikaru?

"I am honored that I still have the talent to entertain you."

"That you do, but I wonder if you still have the talent in Go to keep up with me…"

"We will see, since you aren't going to let me off until we have a game."

"But you are afraid of Go, and that won't change."

Ogata looked at the half blonde, pondering what Kuwabara had meant with his last comment. He had known that Shindou Hikaru had disappeared from the Go world; he just never realized that the reason behind it was _fear._

The emerald gaze seem to flare up, reminding Ogata of the gaze a high dan would have when facing a strong opponent in an official match.

"We shall see."

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	9. My Fears to Conquer

******A/N: **An update at last! I hope I didn't make you wait too much; I have been lost in a whirlwind of emotions and summer haziness. This past month, and even now has been really hectic for me. I learned something about myself, which is really a surprised. We should know about ourselves better than anyone, but then a revelation comes and you realized you never _did _really understand yourself enough. I guess is a good thing—anyway let's move on to the questions!

**Q:** Why does it take so long to get pass Hikaru's fear?

**A:** Because a phobia cannot be over come in days, or years, and sometimes you might never overcome your fears. If they are as strong as Hikaru's, and has been there for a long amount of time, then it would take awhile. Besides I'm trying to make this realistic. Sorry for the wait!

**Q: **Why didn't Akira confront Hikaru when he realized who he was? Why didn't he question about Ochi?

**A: **Honestly? I forgot. If you want the confrontation then don't worry, it will come, just not on this chapter! This story is written by me so ignore the holes, I write as I feel like. I'm glad you told me, but don't go crazy on me because this happens at times.

Now that we are done with **Q/A** let's move on to the story! I hope you like it, and please review—

**Edited on 12/15/12**

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 9: My Fears to Conquer**

**_"A maelstrom will shape the waters,  
which had remained still thus far.  
It is time to change, to live, and to defeat,  
this is my life and therefore it defines me."_**

"**F**uku stop texting and get over here! You are part of this study group, but you haven't contributed at all to the conversation we are having over Sai-sensei's game!" Waya yelled while holding himself back from throwing the kaya board at the idiot.

"Wait…" The 3-dan mumbled in concentration, which caused Waya to stand up and stomp to the other Go professional and declare, "Fuku if you don't drop that cell phone right now, you are dead you little squirt!"

But the chubby fifteen years old stood up as if lightning had struck him.

"Fuku?" Waya hesitantly called, taken aback by the sudden reaction.

"We have to go to the Go Association _now_!" as if that wasn't bizarre enough, everyone stared as the usually calm boy began to frantically move around.

"Fuku what do you mean?" Isumi asked, seeing as he was the oldest in the group and everyone else were frozen.

"I will explain to you while we run, come on! Hurry up, or we might not even get to see the end game!"

And that's how their study group was cut short.

Everyone in the small apartment began to rush for their stuff, and without even a second to spare ran out as if they were running for their lives.

"Guys?" Honda said weakly, but the only thing that answered back was the creek of the door as it slowly closed.

* * *

"Where are you heading right now Akira-kun?" Asumi questioned as she studied the polite teenager putting his jacket on in a hasty manner.

"Ogata-san called me, and told me to go to the Go Association." Akira replied before saying his goodbye as he hurriedly went to the train station.

Even as he got on the train, only one thing was in his mind, and that was the short conversation he had with the Gosei.

"There's someone at the Go Association that you have been searching for your whole life. And he is currently having an even match with Kuwabara Honinbo." Ogata had said as soon as Akira had answered his cell phone.

"What do you mean? Is it Fujiwara Naoto?" The only person Akira had been searching for was a boy that had defeated him in one of those Go Youths Competition when he was nine.

"Ah, but that was a fake name Akira…his real name is—"

* * *

When he had given up on Go, he never thought that he would ever touch those smooth stones ever again. But time and time again, fate seemed to test his resolve as he found himself before the Go board repeatedly. He lost every game that he ever played after the trauma he went through.

And yet, he never gave up, because he still yearned to win. To finally overcome his fear and reach the Hand of God, because when he wins, it will be an unforgettable game.

The feelings that are now overflowing him are impossible to describe.

Hikaru was winning by a small margin, no matter how small; he was at last unafraid to sit before the Go board and finally place the stone where he _wants_.

And not where his phobia has always made him do.

This game will soon reach yose, and it is always the end game that Hikaru had struggled the most in. He will definitely win this game and conquer all those years of fear and nightmares.

He won't let his phobia control his games anymore.

* * *

Ogata was sitting in the middle of this intensive game, wondering if the boy ever really had a phobia to begin with. He was strong in his offensive attacks and had a steady pace between hands. He was merciless and slaughtered his enemy's stones, yet for his recklessness, he had an insight far beyond his age. His traps were set twenty steps before hand, and were unthinkable at times.

Shindou Hikaru would be a very difficult opponent for the high dans, because they are traditional and therefore cannot think outside the box at times.

Ogata had analyzed every step the boy had made, sometimes what seemed to be a mistake was not in reality, but at other times not even reading ahead could answer the real purpose of the stone placement.

To summarize Hikaru's play; a riddle, and one that does not have the answer till the very end of the game.

_'If the boy continued as he is right now, it is possible for him to win against Kuwabara Honinbo.'_ Ogata thought as he looked up to studied the rebellious teenager. Shindou was the complete opposite of what a usual Go player would look like, just like his style in Go, though reckless, he is keen and ingenious.

Ogata was deep in thought, but as soon as he registered the position of the stone Hikaru just placed, he began to rethink his first thoughts on the teenager. _'What kind of obvious mistake is that?'_

* * *

When Waya and the others entered the viewing room, other inseis were already there. It seems that someone had turned on the camera in the Room of Profound Darkness.

Usually only official games take place there, but no one seems to question Kuwabara Honinbo when he barged in and decided to use such a room as his own.

Well he is the Honinbo title holder; no one would dare to question him, especially not inseis or lower dans. Even the authority figures in the Go Association wouldn't dare, they had already accepted Kuwabara's eccentricities.

Waya studied the Go board on the television, and could not believe the complexity of the game. He couldn't even tell which move had been the opening move, or how such a placement of stones had taken place.

The black stones were rough but there was a define style which struck familiar to Waya, but he couldn't remember where he had seen it before.

"Which color is Kuwabara-sensei playing?" Nase asked one of the inseis that were placing the stones on the spare kaya board.

"White." The boy answered.

Waya and the others stood in silence, wondering who held the black stones.

The room began to fill in exclamation at the sudden placement of the black stone; anyone could tell that it was an amateur move. A mistake that could end the game in white's favor if white took the opportunity.

But Kuwabara did not, and that only caused more gasps and questions to arise.

"Why did he not take it? It will be a sure win with such an advantage."

"Could it be he did not notice?"

"Who are you talking about? That's the Honinbo title holder, and he is known to be slick and conniving."

"Then how come he placed the white stone there, instead of capturing the enemy's stone?"

As the game progressed, the answer to their question came and they could not believe their eyes as they saw the hidden trap unfold. After nearly twenty steps, this was the decisive moment and if Kuwabara had taken that stone that had first been viewed as a mistake, it would have ended badly for the white stones.

But even with Kuwabara's counter attack, it was too late to stop the black from taking over the board. The win has already been decided, and no one could make enough sound to show their shock.

"Unbelievable…" One of the inseis whispered, and he was right, this game will make a wave in the Go world. The question is who was the player that had been facing Kuwabara?

* * *

The amount of times Akira had lost his composure could be counted in one hand, but for all his rigid appearance, he could not summon it as he saw his rival step out of the Room of Profound Darkness.

He would have never guessed that Fujiwara Naoto, his childhood rival whom he thought had disappeared was in reality Shindou Hikaru, the class clown.

"Akira?" The teenager with blond bangs called out to him, but Akira did not have the time for greetings, he only wanted one thing and that was a game.

"I want to have another game." And Akira said just that, he wasn't one for beating around the bush and after witnessing Hikaru's game with Kuwabara, Akira craved it even more.

"Huh?" The other had a confused look, before he turned to the title holders that were now stepping out of the room.

"I won, so old man better buy me a bowl of ramen." Akira couldn't believe the way the other teenager was speaking to Kuwabara Honinbo.

"You have always been too cheerful; didn't you say you had a soccer game to watch?" The Honinbo asked, one hand rubbing his chin.

"Don't change the topic, buy me some ramen—"

"You know I live around the same neighborhood as your grandfather? Ask me when you come by, and our next game you won't win so easily." Kuwabara Honinbo cut in, before walking away with a chuckle.

"You better buy me ramen!" Akira watched as his classmate and supposedly rival yelled at the title holder.

"Brat you own me a game." Ogata demanded, as he looked down on the teenager.

"As if!" said teenager had no qualms walking away from the Gosei.

"Shindou!" Akira spoke up after watching Hikaru's rude interactions with two very respected Go players. It was strange as well as mindboggling to see someone so rude. Akira on the other hand had been raised to always be respectful and polite to his elders. So it was very unusual to see such a mannerism.

"Can we have the game tomorrow? Why do people keep asking me for games? I should start charging you guys…" The class clown ranted to himself as he made his way out of the Go Association.

* * *

"Did you see that?" Nase muttered to her friends, as they all watched the half blonde exit the building.

"If 'that' means the rude kid, then yes I saw it as well." Honda said, his eyes nearly falling from their sockets at how unbelievable that had been.

"Well he sure is different, besides being blunt, he really won against Kuwabara." Fuku said, before groaning in pain.

"Why did you pinch me for Waya?"

"Just checking if all this was real." Waya answered, rubbing his head in embarrassment.

"Next time pinch your own cheek!"

"Guys, that's not the point here! He just defeated a title holder; do you think he is an insei? Or a newly turned pro?" Nase asked, deep down wondering where in the world such a strong Go player came from.

"Well obviously he isn't any of those, seeing as the inseis themselves didn't know about him. And since us pros do not know him either then I guess he is a no name player." Waya supplied.

"He isn't a no name player." Ochi rebuked instead.

"What do you mean?" Isumi asked, everyone turning their eyes to the youngest within their group.

"He is Shindou Hikaru, studies at Kaio with Touya Akira, but the most notable event was that he won every game during the exam at the age of twelve but withdrew before he could become an official Go professional." Ochi informed, his glasses reflecting the lights from the ceiling and ultimately shielding his eyes from the others.

"So? Just sounds like you are a stalker Ochi…after all, you have always wanted to beat Touya in Go. Now you got information on this other kid?" Waya asked incredulously, which resulted in Nase slapping the back of his head.

"Shush, let Ochi finish!"

After everything settled, and Ochi had the undivided attention of everyone he continued, "He is also related to Shindou Heihachi the former Kisei title holder, and the current Oza title holder, Fujiwara Sai."

Silence was only the calm reflection of the water, the ripples that followed was the sound of their indignant voices—

"He is related to that beautiful Fujiwara Sai-sensei?"

"Shindou-sensei is an unrivaled Go player…"

"I studied his kifus…"

"And you are saying he is related to them! No way."

"Excuse me, please lower your voices or exit the building." One of the workers of the Go Association scolded.

"O-okay." They all replied, their voices lowering as they left.

* * *

"Your food is amazing; I think I will start visiting more often." Kaga complemented as he wolfed down the remains of his dinner.

"I'm glad you enjoy it, Hikaru rarely eats my cooking…" Sai said dejectedly.

"Only people with good taste would understand the deliciousness of traditional food. That brat's taste is unrefined." Kaga continued, trying to cheer up the Oza title holder.

"Don't call my little cousin a brat!"

_'Well so much for cheering, at least it got the job done.'_ Kaga thought as he placed the plates in the sink.

"Thank you Fujiwara-san." Mitani said as he too placed his plate in the sink. The food was indeed delicious; it was a wonder why Hikaru wouldn't like it. It took skills and time to make traditional food, but the gentle taste was unlike the strong spices used in fried food.

"You can call me Sai." The long haired man wasn't only a great Go player but also a talented cook, his kind and caring personality was the complete opposite of Hikaru's rough and rash attitude.

_'How were they related again?' _Both Mitani and Kaga thought at the same time as they watched the famous Go pro smile at them.

"I wonder what Hikaru is doing right now?" Sai said nonchalantly, unbeknownst to the fact that his little cousin was causing a huge uproar in the Go Association.

* * *

"Stop following me! We can have a game another day!" Hikaru cried as he tried to run away from a pursuing Akira.

"Shindou Hikaru, answer me why you had to participate Go Youth Competition as Fujiwara Naoto?" Hikaru knew that Go players were persistent, but he never knew just how much. Why must they always show up and ask for a game? Can't they see he is dying of hunger right now?

"Shindou!"

_'Sounds like my mom with the whole yelling your entire name when angry…' _Hikaru complained within his thoughts as he finally reached his grandpa's house.

"Why do you keep following me?" Hikaru asked accusingly, his hand yanking the door open.

"I live next door."

"What?"

_To be continued..._

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


	10. My Mischief

**A/N: **I don't think there's any need for **Q/A** but besides that, I am very sorry for taking so long to update. Also I have to warn you that this chapter is really short. I haven't had the time to really sit down and write. I'm either procrastinating or reading other fanfics. Now I am dead because I always wait until the last minute to do stuff. But hopefully I will overcome it and start living a more organized life. I hope you like this chapter and would review!

* * *

**My Unnamed Phobia**

* * *

**Chapter 10: My Mischief **

**_"The devil standing before you,  
will offer you eternal life  
in exchange for your luck.  
But unlike all others  
he asked instead for a game,  
where victory will be achieved,  
through luck."_**

People tend to have opinions on others. Even if they have only met the individual for ten seconds, it is in their nature to assume and judge others. And so there is no surprise that the first thing someone says about Hikaru would be, "Noisy brat with buttons for eyes."

Nevertheless, Hikaru is a teenager and is still figuring himself out. So you can't blame him that everytime he comes to visit his grandfather he haven't checked the plate of his neighbors.

If he had, he wouldn't be so stunned to find out that Touya Akira was in fact living next door to his grandfather's traditional Japanese house. Or that Murashita 9-dan lived across from Touya's. Hikaru only knew Honinbo whom he just left at the Go Association.

After all, it wasn't news that all Go professionals that lived in traditional homes usually gathered as if they were in their own community. Too bad no one bothered to inform the half blonde.

Akira on the other hand was wondering how such an oblivious teen could ever be his rival.

"So…do you want to come in?" Hikaru asked awkwardly.

"Hikaruuuuu!" A voice cried.

Akira was left stunned when he saw who had been wailing, and could not believe that it came from the admired Sai-sensei whom currently held the Oza title.

"What?" Hikaru snapped as he saw Sai come to the edge of the gate.

Sai was not deterred by the attitude, instead he jumped and nearly made both of them collapse on the ground. He held his little cousin like he would with a teddy bear. Akira watched in silence, not knowing how to react to the display of affection.

"Akira-kun?" Sai asked, a slight blush of embarrassment dusting his cheeks as he pulled away from Hikaru.

"You little shit, are you ready for your beating? No one dares to escape me without repercussion." Kaga slipped out of the gate and came trotting to the half blonde.

Sai exclaimed at the rude name the redhead had called his little cousin, while Hikaru studied nervously, hoping to somehow find a distraction in order to escape his current predicament.

His emerald eyes fell on the effeminate teen beside him and suddenly a brilliant plan lit up in his mind.

"Kaga do you remember the boy you lost to when you were young? The one you hate so much that you swore to beat in Go if you ever met him? That Touya Akira?" Hikaru said tauntingly as he saw the beginning of a volcano about to burst with magma.

Hikaru had to withhold his grin as he saw Kaga's dark eyes turn to the famous Go player. Akira had no idea what monster was coming, but Hikaru had no doubt that the other would be just fine.

Unless Kaga wanted to get physical and use his fist, rather than use the game to settle his lost. Then Hikaru would feel really bad as he made his run.

Kaga slowly approached the shoulder length teen while Hikaru silently backed away. Hikaru waited for the right moment when everyone wasn't looking at him as he made a run for it to Mari-san's apartment. The timing was just perfect, and as Hikaru made a dash for it he felt a sudden pull which caused gravity to take effect on him as he landed hard on the concrete ground.

Hikaru gazed at the sky, his eyes unfocused and his mind going in circles from the sudden impact. A red shaped figure stood above him, and foreboding was eating at his stomach as he began to realize what had just happened.

"I knew you were trying to distract me, but kid, I never fall for the same trick twice." Kaga bragged as he smiled toothily at the half blonde.

Hikaru heard knuckles cracking, and knew that he was at the mercy of the red head.

Just when Hikaru had given up, his cousin came forward and pushed with unbelievable force which made Kaga stumble and crash to the ground.

Sai dropped to the ground and pulled Hikaru forward, "Don't worry; I won't let him hurt you!"

Hikaru thanked the gods for having such an overprotective cousin, forgetting that he sometimes cursed said cousin for preventing his mischief schemes when he was young.

"I feel dizzy Sai, can you tell them to go away?" Hikaru mumbled, using his most pathetic yet cute tone to sway his cousin.

"Of course!"

_Ah, he always fell for that one…_

Hikaru mentally smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows at Kaga.

"You little shit! I might let you go today, but it won't happen again!" Kaga growled as he stood up from the ground and made his way out of their neighborhood. Hikaru watched in surprise, wondering why the redhead would give up so suddenly.

There was one thing Hikaru knew very well; Kaga can be a stubborn bitch from hell.

Hopefully his instincts were wrong and nothing horrible will happen to him while he was at his grandfather's place. Hikaru's emerald irises turned toward his friend Mitani, and secretly worried if he had ruined his friendship by hiding his connections to Sai and his grandfather.

"I will see you tomorrow." Mitani whispered, lowering his head and moving away. Although he felt betrayed, he still wanted to hear the half blonde's answer. Yet the solid gaze of Fujiwara-san left him speechless, and so he did not bother prying now.

"Akira-kun, I will be taking Hikaru now, he seems to be unwell. Good night." Sai said kindly as he pushed his little cousin up and half carried and half dragged to their home.

* * *

Akira stood there unsure of how to react. He still had many questions, such as what was his relationship with Ochi? Why was he disguised as Fujiwara Naoto? Why wasn't he a pro?

Akira moved toward his own home, knowing that he will have to ask tomorrow during class. He glanced one more time toward the Shindou residence. Maybe he should wait in front of the house tomorrow morning, knowing Shindou; the half blonde might try to escape during school.

With that in mind, Akira closed the wooden gate and entered his home while he announced to his mother that he was home.

* * *

Hikaru on the other hand continued to pretend, his mind imagining the scolding he would get once the doors were closed.

Instead, Sai let him to the tatami room where the goban laid and discussions were held. It's been a long time since Hikaru had entered this room; he usually avoided it like it held a monster without a name. Just like his phobia had no name.

"Let's have a game."

* * *

"Shouldn't you be in Kyoto, old friend?" Kuwabara Honinbo asked, breathing deeply on his favorite cancer stick.

"Only for a few days, I'm planning to go to Kansai next. Although I have retired, the Go Association would like me to be the presenter and discuss the match between Nakamura 9 dan from Kansai branch and Kurata 10 dan." Heihachi began, gently rotating his cup of tea before drinking it.

"Ah, but visiting me isn't the real reason why you are here, is it?" Kuwabara glanced from the corner of his right eye, hinting his suspicions as he flicked his wrist causing the cigarette's gathered ash to fall. A signal of his impatience if one knew him well, and Heihachi did so he continued, "I was at the go institute, how curious that a commotion would happen at the exact same time I was there to make my preparations to Kansai."

"Indeed." Kuwabara hummed, placing the cigarette between his lips and breathed in the smoke.

"I know you very well, and while I am grateful that for once your manipulative tendencies turned out for the better, I would like you not to do that to my grandson again." Heihachi placed the tea cup on the wooden table with unnecessary strength.

Kuwabara breathed out the smoke before he finally answered, "You could say I let him win, and it might be shameful for a go pro to do such, but then again it was never a serious game. The chance was there, but for someone that fears victory, that chance might as well have never been. So, when your grandson grabbed that victory it spoke volumes. A wave is approaching, stronger than when Touya's brat became a go pro. I was just that spark, but the force will be in the end your grandson."

Kuwabara Honinbo laughed; his cigarette squished on the ash tray was the proof that there was nothing more to be spoken.

"Very well, but I still believe it is too soon." Heihachi stood up from his seiza position and made his way out of the familiar home of his old friend.

"You will be surprised; his gaze was like a samurai ready to cut his opponent in half. When a domino falls, there's no stopping the chain effect. You shall see, it is right before you, inside your very own house…"

Heihachi stopped before the sliding doors, listening carefully to the riddles and sighed in defeat. Kuwabara was a manipulative old man, down to his very bones.

While Heihachi's go style was straightforward and aggressive, Kuwabara was cunning with traps and hidden tricks; they were the worse for each other. It is also why they were rivals since young and good friends after many games.

Listening to the words, Heihachi exited the traditional house and made his way to his own home which was a few houses away. Even though he did not want to visit his nephew and grandson, he wanted to know if Kuwabara's words were true.

And he knew he will be damned for being so easily manipulated.

As he entered his own home, it was unusually silent and there was a dark feeling gripping his heart as he slowly walked toward the tatami room. Once the sliding doors were opened it will reveal something, it could be a nightmare or a sweet dream from the past. Which one will it be?

"I am home." Heihachi said, pushing his resolve as he moved the sliding door.

"I won!"

_To be continued…_

* * *

**~Lots of Luvs~**


End file.
